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So today is October 21st, 2019 and we’re in Fondren Library. And we’re interviewing Viji Raman. My name is Zoe Clark.

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And I’m AnhThu Dang. Nice to be here. Thank you for inviting me. Thank you for coming Thank you for coming.

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Ok. Where and when were you born? I was born in um this city called Coimbatore in India. It's in the southern state of Tamil Nadu. And I was born in uh 1952,

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September 6th. Can you tell us about your parents and— yeah, can you tell us about your parents? Yes. Uh yes my father and mother- they are both from the same boroughs, very close to

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each other, the same city and same town. This was an arranged marriage and my mother was much younger than my father, as it was rather custom in those days. And um my dad was a

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banker and my home- my mother was a stay-at-home mom she took care of the home. Okay. Do you have any siblings? Yes I do. I have three older brothers and I'm the youngest. I'm the only girl. From our understanding you were born into a

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community that follows the matrilineal tradition. What were some expectations and responsibilities passed on to you that um you felt would be different from other children in common patrilineal families?

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Yes there was no responsibility as such. This was really peculiar system in India. It’s a small group of people. We belong to matrilineage-matrilineal heritage.

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And there’s only one other small community as far as we know, in India— the Khasi community in Assam. And I belong to the Nair community. We are the land-owning and ruling class, and my

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grandfather- great-grandfather, they're all the kings of a small kingdom, royalty. So the royalty blood is there but, uh, it's all changing. I, being the only girl was, you know, girls are valued

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greatly in our community. Matrilineal, as the name stands, matrilineal means the heritage is passed through the girls. Um so I was the only daughter.

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So I had the— my mom was very happy after she had me after, actually, she had four boys— one passed away— after four boys, the fifth girl she was-they were all thrilled to have a girl in the family. And basically, as I was growing up, I grew up, I got understanding

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that girls, when they get married in matrilineal society, we don’t leave the mom’s home, the parent’s home, actually mom’s home. The father, the father— unlike the patriarchal

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system, the name goes through the mother. Like my mother has a family name and that name is passed through me and to my children. So growing up— my name is

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Viji here, but it’s a long Vijayalakshmi. And my given name in school was M. Vijayalakshmi, which is M is the name of my family Mundayat, so

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that is my identity. So when I have children, they are supposed to carry that M, Mundayat, in their names. But we

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didn’t have-we didn’t use last names in India. So I did not use my father’s last name at all. So that is— I hope you understand what that means. So when my children are born they are

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supposed to continue the same thing. But they came here and then it's all changed now. So you asked what expectations and responsibilities. There was no responsibilities and

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expectations. But I knew I was, I was the special daughter in the family. I was made to feel that way because I was the only girl. So. And your CV shows that you had outstanding academic achievements.

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Was the significance of your education emphasized in your family? Thank you for the generous compliment. Uh yes, education was given

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great importance in our family. Um my older brothers, they were my role models. My older brothers, they were outstanding in their academics, and then they held very high

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positions— the highest possible government positions in India. So they were— you know it was always encouragement for me to watch them do what they want.

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At that point, I did not consider myself, because I was a girl, I didn’t see any, any limitations for me. Okay, I’m going to do what they are going to do. And I did very well on all the exams.

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So education was given a high priority in my house. Okay. Umm which uh... what type of school did you go to before college? I went to, and again I was in a very protective family.

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So in those days, I belonged to a very traditional, conservative family, so they sent me to, as it was the custom in those days, to an all girls school. It was mainly Catholic schools.

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But that doesn’t mean I practiced the religion. Because I belonged to Hindu religion. There was, you know, there was a structure, more discipline, that was the reason I was assigned to Catholic schools.

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So I never went to a co-ed school. You stated that you were selected to attend medical school but, um, that your family didn’t show their support.

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Was there a reason didn’t, well like— why didn’t they want you to pursue medicine? Um let me put it in a little different twist. It’s not that family did not support me but— let

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me set the background for you. In those days, in my generation, usually women-girls got higher education but uh, going into workforce was not a custom.

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It was not a choice for girls, especially traditional families. And also in kind of, you know, upper class families, it was not expected that girls would go to work. And it's not a matter of

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control or not allowing. It was kind of understood that girls are protected, but they should have higher education. And for high education means

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getting all the life skills. How to deal with life, and how to raise children. Those educati-life experience, that is what you’re supposed to get from education.

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You can go and get the highest degree as much as you want; but going into workforce was not a choice and so I was not encouraged to do that.

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But I was very competitive, and I wanted to, you know, apply to medical school to prove that I can get in. And I did get in. So my family was very proud of me.

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But it was an unwritten rule that I won’t be going. But I pursued science in post-graduate so, so I was not lacking in education, but that was something I want to prove.

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Yeah. So what did you major in in college? I majored in sciences. That was my, you know, that was my favorite subjects. I majored in science, and botany, and chemistry.

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And going back to like medical school, did you ever regret not going? Som- I would be lying if I said no. Sometimes I do, especially after coming into this country

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and seeing opportunities and seeing, yeah you know, the medical profession. Sometimes I do. But I’m not questioning my parents’ decision. And when and why did you live in Muscat, Oman? Yes.

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I got married very young after we— after the graduation, I went to do a degree of post- graduation, a year. And right away, it was the custom-it was customary, in those days, you know, they look for, like a proper alliances.

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It was done through an arranged marriage. Got married and um, my husband is a physician in the army, and he was in Muscat in Oman, deported from the

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Indian army. And um, so I went with him. And going back to your college days. Um why did you decide to attend

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college? Why? Uh there is no question why I wouldn’t. Because, you know, it's like I said, my brothers were all going to college and doing very well, so it was understood that I also

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would do it. And I was not going to be behind them in any way, so... And was your college religious? The college? Yes. The college I went to was also Catholic college, an all-women’s college. And you said

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you majored in home sciences on your CV so what type of coursework is covered? This again is after graduation. Uh so girls— I said most, not all, most of them,

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got married and that was customary in those days. So, um I had no interest, to be frank, I had no interest in cooking or home management. So my mother thought you know we had to do something to

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make this girl a little interested in running a house. So and there was a post-graduate institute, a very well-known institute in Kerala, in the city I was in. And they had offered a curriculum for

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this trailer for this, so this was a perfect curriculum which I liked. I did not like going to the kitchen and cooking from my mom. I did not like that concept, but I liked everything like a

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college. I wanted to learn everything from books that is the way I liked it. So this place had that curriculum. And they had nutrition; they had cutting and sewing; they had baking; they had

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etiquette; they had family relationships; psychology, sociology, physiology, everything that would prepare you to become a wife and a mom which I liked. And there-there were grades,

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there were exams which I liked always. I like exams. I liked to do well on exams. So I liked it. I really enjoyed it.

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Along with that, my mom got what she wanted ‘cause I really got interested in cooking, finally. Yeah. And what city were you living in? Uh I was living in Kochi, one of the major cities in the state of

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Kerala. A very cosmopolitan city. We had all the opportunities there. So luckily, you know, I lived in that city. I grew up there. And what are the requirements to be selected

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to attend medical school? Um the subjects-science majors— botany, biology, chemistry, and you had to do extremely well, and you had to be top in the subjects in the state

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to be qualified for medical school. And why did you—moving on to migration—why did you decide to immigrate to America? Uh yeah my husband is a physician as I mentioned before and he wanted to— and his

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parents they are also, like I said, going back to the arranged marriage, we usually like to arrange within families of similar backgrounds and they are very much into higher education and pursuing higher studies and all that.

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He wanted to pursue higher education in medicine. And all his classmates were doing just that in the 1960s-70s— 60s actually. That was when classmates

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were going to the United States and England and all that to pursue studies, so that was the norm then. So he passed the exam, all the exams to come to the United States. And he wanted to come here and get trained. So I followed him. How old were you when you immigrated?

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I was 21. Okay. And you said this was in the 1970s? Yes. Yeah. Okay I have a question.

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So you mentioned you followed your husband to America , so what was your first reaction when you found out you would be immigrating to America? Because from my understanding, you’re more on the passive side. It’s not you who decided to go to America.

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So how was your reaction? Although I'm on the passive side, I'm very strong and strong-minded in my inside. And my mom knew it, and my dad knew it. And they knew if they were arranging my marriage, it has to

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be a person who I will respect and you know regard for, and that means education. Education was very important to me and it has to be important, and he has to be a high achiever. When he decided to go to America I knew he was a very smart guy, and I

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was very happy to come here and it was— there were a few students in my class who were in the Middle East and they would come tell us the stories of how life is in the Middle East and all that, so I wanted to explore how America is.

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So I was very happy to come here. Uh did you immigrate with anyone else besides your husband? No, in the 70s, it was-not many families came here. Only my husband and I came here.

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Where did you stay when you first moved to America? He got into a residency program. That’s what you do in the medical profession. I'm sure you know that.

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He got residency in Rochester, New York. In the Roch-Rochester General Hospital. So he was given admission to Rochester General Surgical program, so that’s where I came with him. And what were your first impressions

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of America? Wow, yeah. I arrived in the winter. Uhh it was Rochester, snowbelt area. I had never seen snow in my life.

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I have— I don’t know what to expect. I was-I’m a girl from the South and we wear saris. I was wearing a sari when I came here. And I had my little girl— my first child was

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born in India, she was a baby. So I had her with me. And I got out of the plane and I had high heel shoes and sari, fashion statement.

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And then my daughter was wearing a very thin dress from India. I did not know what to expect. My husband had brought me a jacket but he was outside. I had to go through all these offices in order to get out.

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And we got out, and I saw snow outside. And I was getting into the car. I slipped and fell with high heels. Luckily, my husband caught the

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baby, and I was not injured, so that was my first experience. So. And I guess— after you spent like a few months here, were there-was there anything that was different than you imagined?

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Well actually it was a total surprise. It was completely different from what I expected or what I'm used to. The next day—we were living in an apartment—and my husband went to work

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the next morning. And I had this little baby and myself, and I looked outside and I said, it’s absolutely snow mountain. There were cars in the parking lot covered with snow. An no human being, not even one human being or no noise.

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I looked out the window and I hear. And as opposed to in India it’s all hustle and bustle, and noise and cows and all sorts of noise, the horns; I'm used to all that and then suddenly it's all quiet.

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Suddenly I got scared. I was lonely. That was my first impression. And did you have any culture shock or difficulties

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when you first arrived in America? Uh yes I did have culture shock. It was totally different. Starting from my outfit.

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I had to go buy an outfit that people wear, especially in the snow. I had to buy slacks and dresses and blouses and jackets and all that. Hats. That was the first thing I had to do.

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And the, the culture shock is there and people are different. First I had difficulty understanding the accent. Although I spoke English all my life, but I could not understand the accent of

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the Americans who spoke. But I was excited. So I never took it as a negative thing. I was willing to learn and I knew I was going to make it. And um, did

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you ever reach out to some sort of organization or family for support? Yes actually, for us it was kind of easy. Because he came as a resident, and then we lived in an apartment complex where all the residents and interns live by the hospital.

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So they’re all similar to us except they’re all different people. Different countries, different people. So they all belong to the same thing, residents: first years, second years, residents and then their spouses,

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they all have babies. And they don’t work. So we have a group. But for me it was to break into that group so, and then I'm a very shy person person-private person.

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So I had a friend who was in Muscat with us, a senior friend, and she was already there and she took me in and then she made me feel very comfortable.

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She showed me how to operate a washing machine, how to operate a stove, and all those new things. So it was very easy for me. And then what did you take away from your experiences.

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like your first experiences, in America? Yea the first experiences I said. I just was lonely, but I was not scared. When you were young, I guess you’re not scared.

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And then you have your husband with and your children, and I was all excited for life. ‘Cause I’m beginning to live my life at that time with him. This also is a new phase, definitely a new phase in my life.

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And all new people. New friends. New culture. I didn’t see anything negative this. So I was— I missed my parents and my family a lot and, but uh, you know they missed me a lot.

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There were no phone calls and all that in those days. We could not call each other. Uhh there was no international connections and all that. So I would

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write letters. It would take 15 days to reach them. Then they would write letters and it would take 15 days to reach me. So-so the contact was only once a month. So that was the negative thing.

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I missed them a lot, but I made it work ‘cause I wanted to enjoy life. Yeah. How did your family feel when you told them you and your husband were immigrating to America? Yeah. My father was, he was— I mean they were excited of course.

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Son-in-law is going to the United States. He’s a smart guy. But in his mind, he was sad which he did not show me ‘cause he was very attached to me.

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And then— I believe, this came later on, my father has said, you know, he wanted to keep me close to him. He would not get me married to number one, a medical-army officer, or, to a person who goes

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abroad. Luck-and my luck would have it, he got both! So, so he was you know a little upset and always concerned about me I believe. So. But my mom was strong and she didn’t, she didn’t say anything; she knew I was in good

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hands and I could do it. And I guess how long did it take for you to get comfortable living in Rochester? Uh it was uh... Normally residents stay there for three-three years or four years.

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I was there— my husband’s residency was five years. So within those five years I had another baby and I just slowly, gradually I got, you know, I got started on other things. And when did-so where did you

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move after? Where did you and your husband live after you left Rochester? His residency was five years and he wanted to do post-graduation fellowship. And he wanted to do cardiovascular fellowship so— and Houston, it was the

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Texas Medical Center. So he came to train with Dr. Cooley, he’s a legend in vascular-cardiovascular surgery. So he got admission here.

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He was accepted so he came here so, so it was a change from-a very welcome change for me. The weather, weather-wise. And do you know what time period

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this was? What year it might’ve been? This was ’80. 1979, ’80. Okay. Actually not— 1980. We moved to Houston. ’80, ‘81.

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And what do you like most about America? I think, um, the freedom. You have the freedom to do anything you want, and people are not

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nosy. You can do whatever you want at any age, go to school, go to college, and do whatever you want. And people are friendly and helpful. For the most part I have, that’s what I felt, so those are the things I like. And there’s a lot of opportunities you can take.

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And so you’ve been in Houston for thirty… forty, so can you tell us how you’ve liked living in Houston or why you stayed in Houston?

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Yeah, Sure. He did his fellowship and he was finished. We did not know what we were going to do at that time. At that point, I already had two children. And um, I liked the weather

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here. So that I told him I really don’t want to go back to Rochester, or any of those northern states ‘cause of the weather. So he looked around, and he said okay, let’s, you know.

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let’s work out something here, you know, by God’s grace he got a practice here. So. Okay. And did you work when you were in America?

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No actually, when I came here to Rochester, my baby was a year old. Then I had a-my son three or four years later so— and for me, taking care of the children

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was the most important thing. That was how I was raised so, leaving them in the daycare and then going to work was not an option for me. My husband is a surgical resident so his hours are always really unpredictable,

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it’s very rigorous schedule. Even when he did fellowship, it was-he was on call like 48 hours at a stretch. My daughter would always ask me, “When is daddy coming home?” He would then

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have to say, “Oh! Third Day— every third day.” That’s what she learned, “Every third night I got to see daddy.” So it was hard, so I did not even think of going to work, leaving the children with anybody else. So I guess going— AnhThu,

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do you want to cover these questions? Sure. You can just ask her. Since you mentioned that, you didn’t work because you had small babies to take care of.

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So when you moved here, what made you decide to take on community work? Mhmm. That came much later because my priority was raising the children and then giving them the best education possible and that was my main goal: give them the

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best education. I used to volunteer in my children’s schools. And that is how, you know, I liked it, meeting people and doing things. You know how you get appreciated for what you do.

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And I said, yes, I like this. And it gives me a lot of satisfaction. That is how the idea of volunteerism came in my mind. Then after my son left for college, then I really focused on doing something.

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Okay so going, talking about the Houston Crisis Hotline and the Houston Women’s Center, what were your main responsibilities? For this Yeah, once my son left I had two choices.

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My husband said, “Do you want to go back to college?”— ‘cause he knew how much I loved going to school. “Or, what do you want to do? You can do— you have some time now. You don’t have to stay home for the kids”, you know.

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I said, “let me think about it.” By then I knew a lot of friends and what— there’s quite a lot out there. I said, “Yea, I like education. I like getting more and more degrees; but I want to try this. I want to help people.

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I am at a stage that I can do something.” So I had a group of friends. We all talked about it, and we all did things together. This is all doctor’s wives, you know.

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They are all the same age group; my children and theirs are all same age group. And they’re all on the same path. Okay let’s do, you know, this is something we can do. Crisis Hotline we can do.

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Answer the phone calls and this is— and we don’t have, you know, it’s only on the phone. You don’t have to see people andthen interact with people. I said “okay, let’s try.” So then we found out about it.

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There’s a 40-hour training for Crisis Hotline. So we took that. It was a game changer for me. I found something completely a side of life which I did not know. Yeah.

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What was the hardest part of the job? At Crisis Hotline if you take the training, the training is free, I remember-if I remember correct, you have to do the hotline calls for many hours. I don’t know how many, but I used to go

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like three times a week, four hours at a stretch like 2 to 4, 9 to 2, or 6, or 8 to12, or like that. It's four hours you have to be on the phone. The phone was constantly ringing.

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You had to answer that. And it was draining. It was emotionally exhausting. Yeah it was not happy experience. But at the end of the day, I said “Okay, I mean that’s just a learning

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experience. This kind of life is there. Life is not all that good.” You know, so. Did handling crisis phone calls ever get to be too much for you?

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Yes it was, too much means, it was draining. It was exhausting at the end of the day. Yeah. When I tried to put together all the calls I handled, it was exhausting; but it gave me satisfaction.

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That’s why I still would go back the day after. I never wanted to quit, like I said “I can’t take it no more.” No. It didn’t feel like it. It-it opened some avenues for me.

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This is life. Yeah. And so like, how do you feel when you would hear a lot of painful experiences like in that particular moment? Yeah I felt very nervous.

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I didn’t know whether I’m doing the right thing. And I just, especially when I got suicidal calls, that-those were the hardest. I did not know what to do. And we had a list of things that we are supposed to do, you know when suicidal, you

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had to assess the situation, and report them all that. So those kind of things, I was very nervous but, yeah. And why did you stop volunteering with the organization? Yea that is the time, just about the time we were

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talking about starting an organization for South Asian people. So we focused-we shifted our focus to this, which is also a similar hotline.

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So that was a precursor to this, you know. And talking about the Auxiliary of Indian Doctors Club, how did you become involved? Auxiliary of Indian Doctors Club is a club formed by the spouses of the

00:29:51.050 - 00:30:04.000

Indian doctors. It was Indian Doctors Club, IDC, this is formed by the spouses of Indian Doctors Club. And we all went after that, my friends. What they were did, was in a small way, do community service and

00:30:04.000 - 00:30:15.320

during Christmas time, we do fundraise for seniors, and do, you know, things like that. You know, little things. We would get together every other month or something, and have social hour,

00:30:16.550 - 00:30:34.370

and also we talk about doing something and giving back to society. That was just always a conversation in those meetings, so. Are you still involved? That club is no more. It's not there anymore. So I was there as long as it was there.

00:30:34.370 - 00:30:45.210

I was really active in this club as long as it was there. And going to DAYA. We know you were a co-founder of DAYA. So how did you come to

00:30:45.210 - 00:30:59.420

know the other co-founders? They're all from the same club-auxiliary club. A few of us talked about it, and who-we talked about it in the club meeting and who are really serious about it, we got together,

00:30:59.690 - 00:31:15.350

and then we said, “What can you do?” We want to do something solid. Can you share with us the driving force behind the finding-founding of DAYA? Driving force?

00:31:15.840 - 00:31:28.560

Yes as we were thinking about forming an organization or whatever, not-not an organization, a small helpline. That was when a tragedy hit Houston. There was a Indian

00:31:28.560 - 00:31:42.510

professional, Nirvala, and she’s a professional 28-year old lady. And the news came in Houston Chronicle saying “Resident of Sugarland, Indian professional, killed her husband, killed her

00:31:42.510 - 00:31:54.670

three children, set the house on fire and killed herself.” That was a shocker. I mean, we could not believe. We were stunned. Even the neighbors do not know what happened.

00:31:55.590 - 00:32:07.660

Nobody knew what went wrong where. So obviously she was a very helpless, abused woman, who did not know who to turn, what to say, how to get help. So we

00:32:07.660 - 00:32:18.260

decided okay, this is our thing. This is what you shuld do. Why didn’t she-why did she do such an act? Could she have done something? Could we have done something?

00:32:18.380 - 00:32:33.860

Could her family have done something? So we started questioning all these and said ok, it's time to do something. And I guess what experiences and or training did you have in the past which made you

00:32:34.040 - 00:32:51.630

qualified to handle the situations that DAYA— Yeah. As this happened—it was just, you know, a trigger— as it happened we, from the Crisis Hotline experience, we shifted to the Women’s Center family violence 32-hour training.

00:32:52.130 - 00:33:03.210

We took that in the Houston Area’s Women’s Center. So that was a totally different game. It was mostly domestic violence situations. It won’t get as intense calls as crisis hotline.

00:33:05.310 - 00:33:17.760

This was more— and again it was an eye opener for me. We learned about the dynamics of domestic violence, and then the importance of confidentiality, and um, how to-to

00:33:17.930 - 00:33:31.320

talk to a survivor or victim of domestic violence, and what the language is to use, and all. We learned everything single thing, how to act, how to talk to them. That is the experience we got.

00:33:31.680 - 00:33:44.810

We don’t try to fix the problem, we don’t say you know, “Okay, this is your fault. Tell me what happened.” We learn how to talk to them and help them cope with these, we learn the skills how to cope with the situation, and how to treat them.

00:33:45.460 - 00:34:05.490

Um and what, I guess, what was your vision for the foundation when you founded it? Uh when we founded it, the vision at that time was you know we, especially after this tragedy right in front of us, we should try, in the

00:34:05.490 - 00:34:16.980

future, something like this shouldn’t happen. We had to try to help. So what can we do? You know. We’re not thinking of building Houston Area Women’s Center, or Fort Bend Area Women’s Center, but something small.

00:34:17.540 - 00:34:29.750

Something they can pick up the phone and talk to us. In India, the culture is you don’t talk about family affairs, you don’t talk about you know— we don’t talk about domestic affairs to other people. It’s a no-no.

00:34:30.430 - 00:34:46.450

So maybe they can call us and talk to us. And we, we will stress the importance of confidentiality. We will not— and that’s what another thing people are afraid of, it’s a small community. We have this façade of you know,

00:34:46.970 - 00:34:59.090

we have perfect families, so we don’t want others to say a thing that you have marital problems. So we said okay we make a helpline where they can call and we can just talk.

00:34:59.910 - 00:35:17.450

So that is how we started. And I guess what prizes and accomplishments has DAYA achieved so far? Oh DAYA this is 24-it's going to be 25 years and we have come

00:35:17.560 - 00:35:33.680

a long way. We started from the helpline. We are a full-fledged office with full-time executive director, nine full-time staff, three counselors; and we have clear-cut

00:35:34.850 - 00:35:49.700

departments that we work: the counseling department, and client-services department, and then we have outreach department, and then we have the legal section which is person who is in charge of legal clinic and all that. And we have

00:35:50.930 - 00:36:11.350

people who going and talking the community about the culture, about our culture-specific services. So that is it in a nutshell. So we started as a helpline and we went and got— we had a few friends working for us and then

00:36:11.510 - 00:36:25.240

when we threw that idea out there were a lot of people who didn’t want to get directly involved but they were willing to help in their own ways. We had an attorney who said, “oh, we’ll try to help you draft articles of incorporation, and how to get

00:36:25.390 - 00:36:35.220

nonprofit status” and all that. They advised us there. There were some who said they can take some calls every now and then, so, put me on the call list.

00:36:35.550 - 00:36:48.720

But the requirement is that they had to take the 40-hour training, you know, and the art of confidentiality and all that. They had to undergo that so they were willing to do that so. So we— what we made small

00:36:48.720 - 00:37:00.220

pamphlets with all the South Asian language. We asked around other organizations, like Sakhi and Manavi, you know all the other organizations in the country as how to do this.

00:37:01.070 - 00:37:13.740

They gave us some ideas how to start this. And there was some— we made some pamphlets in different languages with our number, the helpline number. And we put them

00:37:13.740 - 00:37:27.200

in grocery stores, Indian grocery stores, and the movie theaters and the toilets of movie theaters. Discreetly we put them because we did not want to you know come out as a group that, “Who

00:37:27.200 - 00:37:37.360

are these people trying to do this?” And then it would say “do you need help or do you know anyone who needs help? Please call this number.” And that would be our personal number.

00:37:37.890 - 00:37:51.600

And then we would block the call, so that the user would not track the number to us. So that was—if they want to meet we would meet at some McDonald’s, some local place or in a common place;

00:37:52.010 - 00:38:04.470

and if they needed some help we would unofficially help them with financial, or grocery, make a meal for them. Slowly they were getting brave and then they wanted to show their face and they-

00:38:04.660 - 00:38:18.910

they had to have confidence in you, that you-you’re not going to let this out anywhere else. And then they had to do, during there-when the husband is not at home. So it was like a gradual

00:38:19.420 - 00:38:34.130

evolving process. Then we got the nonprofit status. And then a gentleman in our community said “Yeah, you can use my warehouse upstairs as an office if you want to have a table and chair and do something.”

00:38:34.900 - 00:38:54.840

So then we had a table and chair and then someone donated computer, and donated office, donated a table and chairs and all that. And we go there and do the board meetings and all that. And then we learned from other organizations.

00:38:54.900 - 00:39:07.820

How do, you know, extend our services? And then one of the things was to go doing outreach. That’s the only way they wil know who we are, and we are here. So we started doing seminars.

00:39:09.610 - 00:39:23.060

Common topics not about domestic violence. That was a taboo subject in our-in our community and people don’t accept that. Especially those days, in the ‘90s, it was not accepted that people talk about domestic violence.

00:39:23.330 - 00:39:38.790

Actually when I, well, when I took the training till that day, people talked about domestic violence but it’s not something that you talked, oh this happened. If in-in the Eastern culture, the

00:39:38.790 - 00:39:49.300

husband goes to work, he’s tired, he comes home. The wife’s job is to take care of the children and the family. If he gets upset for some reason, it's because he had a bad day at the office, and

00:39:49.530 - 00:40:00.610

you don’t make a big deal out of it. And if he just slaps you, just, it's not a big deal you know. It’s because he had a long day, he had a bad day. That’s the way it is. You don’t make a big deal

00:40:00.730 - 00:40:11.910

of it. You don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. So that was the attitude. So from that attitude and that mindset to come on this side and say, that’s not okay,

00:40:12.810 - 00:40:24.310

it takes a lot of work for us. And we have to make that person understand it's not okay. For her, also she thinks it's her fault. What did I do? Why is he upset with me?

00:40:24.370 - 00:40:35.070

Why— is it because the dish-the curry had more salt yesterday? He hit me. Because it was a little burned, he hit me. You know? Just because I wasn’t

00:40:35.070 - 00:40:47.700

feeling well and he wanted to have a relationship with me and he said “you’re always like that,” and he forced me into it. So no, she doesn’t think it is all his fault. She thinks it is all her fault.

00:40:47.700 - 00:40:55.970

So why is it me? What’s wrong with me? That’s what she would ask. Then I have to have that presence of mind to tell her it's not your fault.

00:40:57.480 - 00:41:11.480

It is not— she would just force and say—no, no, it’s not your fault. I'm telling you it's not your fault. So that helped me a lot. The response that she gave me.

00:41:11.940 - 00:41:24.550

Actually I had a client who called— we had call schedules, okay, we had call schedules, and we set it up. We are five or six members and this four weeks I will take; next four weeks, she’ll take, like doctor’s schedules.

00:41:25.080 - 00:41:37.110

So–when I was on call. I got a call, she called at 2 o’clock and she stopped the phone at 4. Two hours she talked.

00:41:37.140 - 00:41:51.070

Uh, just talked about her life you know, and I listened, I didn’t have to say anything. Just every now and then I would just validate and say okay, and in the end she was really happy. She said “How are you so patient?

00:41:51.180 - 00:42:02.260

How did you hear I said?” “I wanted to help you. If talking helped-talking to me helped you, then I have done my job. That’s what I wanted to do. ” “Yes. I feel much better now.”

00:42:03.040 - 00:42:18.110

So that was the day I felt this is what I want to do. So can you tell us a little more about the hotline schedule? Was it like 24 hours, or… Yes it was like 24 hours but we— I think in the night it would

00:42:18.110 - 00:42:27.800

to our voicemail or something. That’s what we did. Yeah yeah. We got an answering machine system, letterbox; and then I think weekends and all it would go to that.

00:42:28.240 - 00:42:42.190

We will check it. And after hours we check it. So it won’t come our answering machines, so the user won’t track us so. Then we got a lot of attorneys involved, slowly.

00:42:42.970 - 00:42:57.330

They helped us get— and we educate ourselves what to do in what to do in case of abusers harming the wives. There are restraining— we learned all that along the way- restraining orders, protective orders and all that.

00:42:57.880 - 00:43:09.550

And uh, there were a couple of attorneys in our communities that, “Okay, we can help you with your clients.” They would not charge us. They would do pro bono work for us. Get protective orders and restraining orders.

00:43:10.320 - 00:43:23.700

And these women, they don’t have the language skills, they don’t have anything, so they were so grateful. They didn’t know about protective orders and all that. So when the attorney educated them, they

00:43:23.700 - 00:43:40.590

said “oh, okay.” The only other option is for them to go back. And in India, I mean that is not in our culture. Leaving your husband and going back, they won’t accept you, you know. The parents, well they say—this is 25 years ago when we started this

00:43:40.800 - 00:43:51.710

organization now the mentality is changing—but your place is with your husband, you work it out. And you be a good wife. Don’t make him upset. So, she has no place to go.

00:43:54.470 - 00:44:07.180

We made her understand slowly and we work the restraining orders and protective orders and things like that. The attorney helped us a lot. So it all slowly, you know, came together for us.

00:44:10.770 - 00:44:23.940

So, like, what type of clients did you normally work with? Like people from professional backgrounds or from lower, middle class? Yes. No, domestic violence knows no boundaries.

00:44:25.230 - 00:44:36.690

It transposes all segments of society. Social—it doesn’t know socioeconomic barriers—nothing. It affects everyone. And like we have

00:44:37.580 - 00:44:52.410

dinner events and all, there are, maybe three or four who are victims of domestic violence and they are not saying and they are living in it. That’s how it is. A doctor’s wife who is doing very well, but inside this is what’s happening.

00:44:52.840 - 00:45:08.430

Uh so your question was? Yeah my question was just was there any specific groups of people? No. It affects all aspects of the community. Yeah and for us it was especially difficult in the

00:45:09.770 - 00:45:23.370

early 2000s, late 90s. All these women were on, uh dependent visa. They came— an influx of Indians came. The husbands were on work visa, H-1 visa; and

00:45:23.370 - 00:45:32.360

the wives were on dependent visa, H-4 visa. And some of them had kids, some of them didn’t have kids. So the wives were forced to stay home because they could not work.

00:45:32.420 - 00:45:43.250

They're on their husband’s dependent visa. So they cannot leave. If abuse happens in the house, they cannot leave because they are dependent on their husbands and they’ll be deported.

00:45:43.640 - 00:45:52.640

If they leave, they’ll be deported. They have no legal status here. And if they have children, they have to leave the children here. So that is why they are trapped in this marriage.

00:45:53.740 - 00:46:09.530

They are really choking in that marriage. They don’t know what to do, so we have to do something to-to have a system in place for this situation. So that was all the more reason to establish a organization, and we did

00:46:09.530 - 00:46:25.340

not have one in Houston. And so what, I don't know if this is going to be in a later question, but I’ll just ask it. Um so what were like the solutions that you guys like solutions,

00:46:25.820 - 00:46:39.520

like um, to like any of the domestic violence? There is no clear cut solution, but we can only help, the-the-the survivors. I’d like to call

00:46:39.520 - 00:46:52.640

them survivors and not victims. We want to help them become survivors from victims. So we have to all be able to empower and give them all the tools they need, like we help with family

00:46:52.640 - 00:47:07.940

violence-family violence law and immigration law. These are the two law-law that we really need help with. So they are out of status, they will be able to status and, and they'll-they'll need divorce, you know, the attorney to deal with divorce.

00:47:08.120 - 00:47:21.780

If they decide to, we don't tell them to divorce but they make that choice. We leave it up to them. And… I guess how do you relate your life experience to the mission of

00:47:23.560 - 00:47:39.010

the nation? How do you relate your life experience… My life experience? Oh my life has nothing to do with this, you know, but the mission is to help empower women, you know, the survivors of

00:47:39.740 - 00:47:50.110

domestic violence and that is something I wanted to do. My life experience— I have seen a few friends in my life and some that I have

00:47:50.110 - 00:48:09.560

not. You know, in India, we are taught to be very private, we don't, you know, ask or do any questions. So I had a feeling that them, some of them friends are unhappy in their marriage, but you don't ask, and so, unless they tell you, so. And what are the

00:48:09.780 - 00:48:24.230

ongoing activities, at DAYA? Ongoing activities like-like we started, you know like with a, with an office, rented-when donated office space, and they donated computers. But we hired our first

00:48:26.980 - 00:48:38.470

counselor, full fledged counselor with the basics in 2005. And that was a big change for DAYA. So now having an

00:48:38.510 - 00:48:54.040

office, and having a person answer the phone from nine to five, made a big difference. And, and we're now advertised in papers in the local media and all that. So they could actually call a number during the day and which is-which works out for them because that's

00:48:54.180 - 00:49:05.400

the time that their husbands are not home. So in otherwise the evening hours is no, they cannot call and these are pre-cellphone days. And you know, pre-internet days and all that, you know, they don't have

00:49:05.400 - 00:49:19.300

access to computers and cell phones so they cannot call us on the cell phone. So they had to call the landline so this helped really; having a full time counselor in the office. And then we hired an-and then we know.

00:49:20.590 - 00:49:32.070

Along with this we learned from other organizations, along with the counseling, we need to educate the community. We have to go to, you know, the roots of the problem. And education is

00:49:32.070 - 00:49:45.580

the best prevention, an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. So we need to do that. We learned. So educating the community through outreach efforts, and that was also not easy,

00:49:45.630 - 00:49:56.130

right? Then we got an outreach director who would go out and then do presentations, not about domestic violence. You don't talk about domestic violence. About other subjects of people in

00:49:56.320 - 00:50:10.790

South Asians will come and attempt, like family safety, or drug and alcoholism, some issues around-surrounding the family. Or teen-teen violence, something like that so we can get the

00:50:10.790 - 00:50:25.110

families to attend. And then we slowly sneak in the importance of family unity and harmony in the family, which is how we try to convey the message of how important have harmony in the

00:50:25.110 - 00:50:40.310

families for— and that domestic violence is an issue. But we don't call it domestic violence in those days. And what is your current involvement in DAYA?

00:50:40.310 - 00:50:56.380

Umm I am still on the board of the-on the board of donors and be, I'm in different committees. Right now, I'm in the Personnel Committee, and I was in Outreach Seminar Committee. And we are, we are in some committees, a few other board

00:50:56.380 - 00:51:08.740

members or will activate that and I help in fundraising. Not as a committee, but I'm a supporter and then we have a network of friends, you know, who come for the gala and all that.

00:51:09.090 - 00:51:25.400

And, I guess, why did you stop taking direct leadership? Oh, yes. And before that, let me tell you, I was the treasurer of DAYA from 2000 to 2014. It's a 14 year stretch.

00:51:26.190 - 00:51:39.210

It's- we don't encourage that, but nobody wants to do that job. So, and I love my numbers. And then everybody said, “Oh, okay, that's an automatic election: Viji”. You know, nobody wanted to do numbers.

00:51:39.310 - 00:51:54.090

So, so we are still small enough to-for me to handle, because I don't have an accounting background, but I just love numbers. And um. It's just the year 2000 we had the first gala, and that is when we really needed to give some accounts.

00:51:54.430 - 00:52:06.220

Until then, it was some small change. The first support regard was from Indian, Indo-American Charity Foundation, and that is the foundation Indians, founded by Indians, Indian

00:52:06.220 - 00:52:18.640

Americans. And they do, you know, charity was here in-in locally. So, we approached them and then they gave us a seed money of $5,000.

00:52:18.640 - 00:52:27.940

Okay, you're doing a good job. This is what we can do, because they raise funds and then they distribute among charity-nonprofit organizations. So they chose us as-as

00:52:28.280 - 00:52:41.970

their organization that year. That was a big deal for us, that is when you know— and then we had a fundraiser in 2000. And we raise some funds, that is when we had the footing. Then we decided to hire a counselor, a

00:52:41.970 - 00:52:57.120

full-time counselor, which was very important for the organization. So, in 2000, when we had the gala, we need to have a bookkeeper, you know, because the checks that are all coming in. So I voluntarily took over the job, and I established Quicken and all

00:52:57.120 - 00:53:09.890

because my father is a banker so I love numbers. It’s in my genes. I started Quicken, and I installed it and enter the checks and copies and all those for I— it was fun for me.

00:53:09.980 - 00:53:24.600

I really liked it, you know, making copies and depositing and writing paychecks for these employees. Now all sorts, all the financial matters. So that was my main involvement until 2014.

00:53:25.720 - 00:53:41.150

In 2014-13 we got a federal grant from OVW— “Office of the Women, Violence Against Women” from Washington. And then I knew I have to— it has to be properly documented and properly made.

00:53:41.150 - 00:53:53.760

I mean I was doing the proper documenting until them, but federal grants, you know, there are some, you know, we had to do like appropriation, this person does that person know that. Now how much is going to outreach?

00:53:53.760 - 00:54:00.870

How much is going to this person's salary? You know, those kinds of things. And I did not want to do that, I didn't want to pursue that.

00:54:00.870 - 00:54:15.660

I said it should be done by a proper CPA, you know, so we had a board member who had an accounting background, and then she became the treasurer then. So until then, it was— when I started, I'm proud to say started was

00:54:15.660 - 00:54:27.780

$5,000 in the bank, and then I left it was $500,000 in the bank. So it was really satisfying for me, you know. So that was the main-majority, that is how the

00:54:27.780 - 00:54:39.090

majority of my time in, like, DAYA was spent. Being the treasurer and handling all the finances. So I-we didn’t have a bookkeeper or financial director or anything, so it was all in one, so.

00:54:41.940 - 00:54:54.260

And what are the plans for DAYA, like going forward? Oh plans will be— DAYA is just soaring now, is really. I’m so happy about that.

00:54:54.590 - 00:55:07.410

The executive director is there and then she's extremely efficient and very capable. And you know, she has taken DAYA to a totally different level, you know, and we have nine staffs. We had

00:55:09.070 - 00:55:22.810

three counselors, and the outreach director, director of finance, and director of legal and legal services and education, all the… and they are doing great, wonderful job. You know?

00:55:23.600 - 00:55:37.200

So we are growing in all these directions. And we want to have more services for children. And that is one thing that we have not focused on because the children, the un-consenting, non-consenting

00:55:37.200 - 00:55:51.030

witnesses of abuse, and it leaves everlasting, lifelong scars on them. And so we need to address that issue, and especially the children of the survivors.

00:55:51.670 - 00:56:02.930

So we need to have programs for them, and also their mental health has to be taken care of. So we don't have programs and assistance for them. And also we want to do more outreach.

00:56:03.650 - 00:56:14.920

Again, I said prevention is better than a pound of cure. So we need to outreach the universities and school campuses, and then teach them the importance of healthy relationships.

00:56:15.880 - 00:56:32.480

And make them understand the dynamics of power and control and the patriarchy, what is right and what is wrong, what’s okay, what’s not okay. Have boundaries, and respect the boundaries, importance of

00:56:32.500 - 00:56:45.250

consent. All these things, it's out in-it's somewhere, it is not taught. It's not a curriculum subject, but this has to be taught. So that is our focus next, you know, our next focus.

00:56:49.750 - 00:57:06.140

I guess how do you plan to be involved in DAYA in the next 5 to 10 years? This is, this is very close to my heart, and it's my passion. And I like just watching your child grow. I love the-the growth that DAYA has gone undergone all these years.

00:57:06.620 - 00:57:18.160

So I would be in the-in the advisory position. And I will have— I still will be in the fundraising in the activity but with my donor friends, you know, all that. And I'll get them to involve, get involved my-get

00:57:18.500 - 00:57:31.080

my friends involved. And in the periphery, I can do a lot because I leave the running to the experts, but I can do as advisor. And what do you—

00:57:34.430 - 00:57:53.770

What do you think is the major— what are the major challenges DAYA has faced? The major challenges are the victims? Oh, it was like that. Yeah, yeah, we had gone through a lot of downs because at some time,

00:57:54.650 - 00:58:03.980

we had financial crises kind of, but we were never in the negative. But, you know, Houston was undergoing a recession. So were we, because it's a chain.

00:58:03.980 - 00:58:13.130

It's a glitch in our cycle. When people, you don't have that much of finance, and they have all the jobs, then we don't have a good fundraising year. You know, it all comes back.

00:58:13.620 - 00:58:29.280

So what we were— we had the reserves and we had, we had no problem, we pulled through. And so financially, we are okay, we-the main the funding, funding, we have is one third is from the community here,

00:58:29.440 - 00:58:42.380

supporting community now. They're great and are really, really great donating people. And then the one third, second one third, comes from foundations like Houston Endowment, Simmons Foundation, George

00:58:42.380 - 00:58:57.120

Foundation. They’re all great supporters for the many many years continuing supporting us. And then we had some grants, government grants also. So with all these three you know we are doing-we are doing well and we have rapidly housing grants, so that helps with the

00:58:57.860 - 00:59:11.520

housing of the clients. And let me tell you, I forgot we had a Transition Housing Program that we tried for a few years that we had it for five years in an undisclosed location.

00:59:12.280 - 00:59:26.490

It was successful for a while, but it was not feasible. And we were under the same tendency. The same trend was going on in the other women's organizations. Because they were going into these— not that

00:59:26.490 - 00:59:38.500

transit housing because we-Houston being such a widespread city, it is hard to keep our survivors in one place. Because their children go to school in different places, you know, their friends are

00:59:38.520 - 00:59:46.940

in different places, their job is at a different place. And we don't have a good transport system. You know, metro system. So it was not working out well.

00:59:47.560 - 01:00:00.380

So this is when we started the rapid rehousing program. So they find their own apartments, and then we provide the rent and assistance for them. So which is worked out really well. So we've gone through a lot of changes over the years.

01:00:00.830 - 01:00:11.240

And then we are- we are always seeking out for, searching for best practices in these-in the business, in the industry. And also how-what others are doing and how others are surviving.

01:00:11.750 - 01:00:25.510

So we always check ourselves. And we have collaboration and partnership with other organizations, which help us a lot like Fort Bend County and Harris County, , Crimestoppers all this organization, you know,

01:00:25.530 - 01:00:37.180

they all work well together with us. And so it's a big, nice, you know, it's a nice and good network. And now, we have the staff, we were a board run organization

01:00:39.090 - 01:00:51.560

until 2016. And then we know, we have a strategic planning and a new set of you know, it is for an organization to grow, you know, there's-they should be a staff run also.

01:00:51.820 - 01:01:04.050

So, they had to have a lot of responsibility and they need to be given responsibility. So, you know, we, you know, we had a foot, we have a fortunate to hire very efficient and competitive

01:01:05.370 - 01:01:22.650

executive director. So, the staff run that way, so we board members can do culture, cultivating and network and community relations, and that is advanced strategy, deliberating strategies, and we are do-we can do all the other things for the

01:01:22.650 - 01:01:43.090

growth of the organization, which is about a good governing board we be doing so, we do that. Mhm. So I guess, has DAYA face any other difficulties during its 25 years? We had in the beginning, we had a lot of resistance from the community.

01:01:43.740 - 01:01:59.380

I would be lying if I didn't say that because we were all bunch of women that we started, we were even called family breakers, meddlists, you know, who are out there, you know, not putting their nose in other people's business and creating proble-creating problems.

01:01:59.830 - 01:02:10.020

We were told all that. And we, and then I had-some of the close friends who became not so close to me, because the work I was doing,

01:02:10.830 - 01:02:23.800

they did not approve. So we faced all that, you know, that was a major thing for us too, you know. But we continued and then it is all good. And then they all know that. It's a-it's a, it's a

01:02:23.800 - 01:02:37.600

good thing for the society and the community and we are doing, so. Now we don't have that much resistance, and the community, and the Indo-American communities really supporting. And now, it used to be a stigma, you know, we-when we used to have

01:02:37.600 - 01:02:47.530

gala, we had gala every year. And it was so hard to sell tickets. It's so hard to get people to come. It's only the same group of people who would come every year who believed in us.

01:02:48.090 - 01:02:58.780

But now over the years, going to the gala is a cool thing. They want to come. They want to get tickets. Now we are getting sold out. Well, can you find tickets for the gala?

01:02:58.780 - 01:03:13.810

We want to come, we want to come. So that’s is a- that is a transition you can see over the years. Yeah. And do you see any changes required in the direction of DAYA in response to like, past

01:03:13.810 - 01:03:29.310

experiences or specific cases you've encountered? Yeah, we have been. We are always trying to find improving our programs, we always-and also the times have changed. So you know, in the in, in-when we started it was on phone calls

01:03:30.120 - 01:03:42.070

and written records. Now it’s all digitalized. And you know, there is, even the abuse is digital. People stalking, doing all over the internet and on the phone, you know, things are

01:03:42.070 - 01:03:55.860

becoming digitalized, you know, so we have to be equipped to deal with those kinds of issues. And also the trauma that— we do all the physical things for the, for the survivors, that a trauma causes a lot

01:03:55.950 - 01:04:08.200

of this, this the whole abuse cause a lot of trauma in them, you know, and we have to address that issue. It's psychological how it affects them. So we need to have some programs and connect

01:04:08.200 - 01:04:25.150

to the local system with our connections with their local organizations, and to learn how to handle that, and then raise money to pass special programs to help them, you know, get out of a trauma and also the stigma they face.

01:04:25.210 - 01:04:35.040

You know, they're still in the community. When we have taken care of their-that physical problem, but still they are looked upon us, at least it feels, they are looked upon with stigma.

01:04:35.570 - 01:04:50.570

That's the woman who ran away or ditched their husband, you know. So we need to give them that support and mental and psychological support and bring back the self esteem. And so we had to-we need to have programs for that, you know, so,

01:04:50.970 - 01:05:03.080

and the children also. Like I said, they are also affected and need to have psychological assessment and health management facilities for their mental health facilities. And

01:05:08.870 - 01:05:24.000

what areas do you think maybe DAYA need better support from the government? Yes, at least and the current one is the-the reauthorization of VAWA, not sure whether you understand what VAWA is.

01:05:24.170 - 01:05:40.320

VAWA is “Violence Against Women's Act”. So during Clinton administration, it was the world's “Violence Against Women’s Act” was passed, which helped the survivors of domestic violence who are on dependent visa.

01:05:41.090 - 01:05:53.180

And if they can prove that they are victims of domestic abuse, and also the marriage was done in good faith, they could apply for immigration and legal status independently.

01:05:55.030 - 01:06:09.450

They did not have to depend on their husband's H-1 visa. So that has to be re, you know, authorized, I think, every 10 years or something. I'm not sure but it is there. The Senate has not done that we are really looking forward to, because we

01:06:09.450 - 01:06:21.560

need that, because our lot of our clients will be in limbo if you don't get that reauthorized. So that's something and the current administration is not very supportive of women's issues. So that

01:06:21.560 - 01:06:37.160

is another thing that we can work on. And have you, I mean, I guess you've talked about this a little. Um what type of collaborations does DAYA have with other organizations?

01:06:38.910 - 01:06:50.250

And how do you guys exchange? Yeah, we are. We are when we are. In the beginning, it was only a few over now since our executive directors, she’s constantly networking with all organizations, right?

01:06:50.610 - 01:07:01.640

I don't even know how many, you know, she brings it to the board meeting, but we are out there and not only locally, and nationally also. And we are with you know, so some of the outreach director is

01:07:01.640 - 01:07:16.740

always attending conferences in Washington. We just-DAYA just received an award for you know, for these. Also, we are out there and we know we have another nations, third or fourth, you know, the top most organization, South Asian agency

01:07:16.740 - 01:07:33.400

helping the South Asian clients. Okay, going to the Indo-American Charity Foundation, how did you become involved? Indo-American Charity Foundation. Again, is an organization founded by a group of

01:07:33.500 - 01:07:46.780

Indians and they wanted, they had in mind, to give back to society. Their motto is “we live here, we give here. That's what they do. So and they will, we were great supporters and there was no organized

01:07:46.780 - 01:07:58.780

by some of our friends. And they, you know, when they are, when they're opened up, they said, we support you. So we were supporters right from day one. And then they invited me to be on

01:07:58.780 - 01:08:09.540

their board, and I was on their board. And I've settled on some committees and term limit to us was three or four years, I don't remember. Then I had, that I couldn't be doing two organizations

01:08:10.370 - 01:08:22.920

because I was focusing more, such was that time DAYA really, really needed our help, because it was kind of make it or break it time for DAYA. So I said I had a need to focus on this.

01:08:23.790 - 01:08:34.230

ZC Do you know what time period? It was 2000. Early 2000. 2000-2004 or 5? Before that, before we got the full time employee.

01:08:37.550 - 01:08:47.930

And are you still involved with the Indo-American— Yes, yes, I still support them. Oh, yeah, yeah, they had the fundraising gala and their events. They have small events every year like Walkathon and all that.

01:08:48.180 - 01:08:58.690

So we are familiar face there. And the Sri Meenkashi Temple… It’s a Hindu temple that we belong to.

01:08:59.270 - 01:09:10.500

And it again, it was in the early 80s, it's very small, the birthplace of worship. And it has grown into like, I think they're about this is two or three million. So we were involved in the growth of that organization.

01:09:10.840 - 01:09:23.290

But now, not just, you know, as a supporter, you know, that’s all in a small way because it has grown really well and they have big supporters and so, and the younger generation is there. So we are still involved. It's our place

01:09:23.290 - 01:09:38.850

of faith. And also we still go there. And going to like work in India, so why do you continue to be involved in charity work in India? One of the tenets Hindu tenuities— this

01:09:40.560 - 01:09:52.840

is what we but we are taught, “Produce more than you consume and give more than you take.” This is what was said in my house every day. So I grew up hearing that.

01:09:53.530 - 01:10:02.420

So, and that is my roots. I cannot forget, forget that. So that and my husband is also the same way; he thinks in the same way, so we keep going back there.

01:10:02.980 - 01:10:19.700

Okay, and what causes are you most interested in? Yeah, obviously he's into medical health-health profession and-and connected with-with that helping for people, giving healthcare facilities or-or

01:10:20.070 - 01:10:30.760

doing or donating machines or in the health field, or donating money to buy machines. And I am also there because, you know, there are people there that I can help.

01:10:31.230 - 01:10:45.130

And especially we are involved in a tribal community in Kerala, in our state. And by the way, Kerala has almost 100% literacy state. So we want to-we want men and women are equally educated, very forward, very progressive minded.

01:10:45.530 - 01:10:56.400

But there is a tribal community, and we are trying to educate them and uplift them. And especially, we had to uplift women and children in order to uplift their society or community.

01:10:56.740 - 01:11:09.880

That's the main thing. And they have a lot of alcohol problems in men. So the women suffer a lot of abuse, which I cannot address right away because it's a kind of touchy subject, but I go and speak to them,

01:11:09.940 - 01:11:22.270

talk to them to become independent. I said, don't say that my husband comes and drinks and comes home and hits me and doesn't give me any money. Say what you can do.

01:11:22.730 - 01:11:31.710

So we bought some machines and we gave them the tools. So which they were very happy they learned how to sew. And we gave them money to buy fabrics.

01:11:32.040 - 01:11:44.550

So we showed them how to do, and that there is a whole community helping them. Now this time when we went we saw they have put up a shop, they're selling outfits and they already had, they get their money. I said, keep the money for yourself, for the

01:11:44.550 - 01:11:55.800

children. Okay. Don't give it to your husband for drinking. So that— I'm empowering them in certain ways. So yeah, yeah. So I guess how often do you go and…

01:11:55.830 - 01:12:05.660

We go every year. Okay. And the Anadashram Charitable Foundation. What is that

01:12:05.660 - 01:12:22.020

organization? That is a charitable foundation that we founded that, it's based in Houston, and that's a nonprofit organization wherein peopl can donate for charities abroad. And it is located in Houston.

01:12:22.410 - 01:12:37.260

Mhmm. What did you do during your time like, as part of the board? Of the foundation? We were trustees for a free period.

01:12:37.530 - 01:12:51.780

That was when we started the organization. The main thing that we achieve was to build a hospital, a multi specialty-specialty hospital, nonprofit, in our hometown. It's a village, but near our hometown.

01:12:52.460 - 01:13:02.290

And it's up and running and doing well, so. Are you still involved with that organization? Really barely. Really barely. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because it's doing well and, and they're

01:13:02.610 - 01:13:19.160

taking care of it. So. Yeah. And so, I guess going to personal life, you said you and your husband had an arranged marriage. Can you talk a little more about that? Yeah, sure. Yeah. In those days, again in my generation, it's mostly-it was arranged

01:13:19.160 - 01:13:33.550

marriages and arranged marriage was the parents arrange, you know, the thing for you. And it is done mostly when you know the family and my husband, my father knew my husband's family, you know, so not, you know, very well, but we knew them.

01:13:33.710 - 01:13:47.420

And then through common friends we, you know, communicated with each other. And they-they know that they have a daughter and they have a son. And then how about that and then we, you know, we read

01:13:47.420 - 01:14:01.400

horoscopes, and you do that and then it’s arranged. And then of course, ask me if that’s okay, I say okay. And then we feel that what our parents choose is the right thing for us.

01:14:01.400 - 01:14:11.760

So they just, you know. That's the faith we had in our parents those days. Yeah. So did you guys meet before you married? Or? Yes, we met briefly here.

01:14:11.860 - 01:14:25.800

Yeah. And so, when were your children born? My daughter was born right away, 10 months later, and my son was born four years later. He was born here, while my daughter was born in India.

01:14:27.450 - 01:14:37.990

Okay. And do-does your family still follow the matrilineal lineage? It's just slowly phasing out because it's not as simple. It's not practical, you know?

01:14:38.280 - 01:14:49.120

So we came here, and it's not a big deal also you know, it's not we're losing our identity or anything, but it's not practical. We came here, my daughter, she has to have a last name.

01:14:49.800 - 01:14:58.130

And she cannot put this family name as her name. She has to have her father's last name, right? So, you know, that’s just how system work here. So she took her father's name with the last name.

01:14:58.720 - 01:15:10.970

And then she took my family name as a middle name. So she still keeps it, and my son also still keeps it as the middle name. But then after that, I don't know whether how long it’s going to continue? I don't know. The name is still there.

01:15:11.530 - 01:15:27.740

And by thinking about my grandmother, by the same family. And are you still connected to your community in India? Community in India? Yes and no, you know, because the generation has passed, and then I have not lived there for so many-40 years.

01:15:29.120 - 01:15:40.540

All my friends who are my mom's friends ‘cause that's the house I went to when I went to India. Now they're all gone, they've passed away. My friends from school are married and gone, you know, so I don't have a

01:15:40.710 - 01:15:49.680

community, but we go and we enjoy, you know, we have friends. And we enjoy that. And do you have any hobbies?

01:15:50.800 - 01:15:58.700

Yes, yes I do. I know. I like— after I came here I always want to bike. I love biking here

01:15:59.190 - 01:16:11.880

and I had a baby. My husband bought her a bicycle, my son, my-my daughter, and she was 4 years old. And I would take the bike and go around the apartment complex and I learned by myself. Then I wanted to learn swimming.

01:16:12.620 - 01:16:24.880

I learned swimming, same time. And I like cooking. I like ceramics, and I do ceramics a lot of things in my house I make, and I do a little painting. Yeah.

01:16:26.610 - 01:16:42.370

And how did you get interested in gardening? Gardening, oh. I used to live in Spring, Texas, you know, now I live in close to Memorial. So there, I used to— it was a community like, so they had Garden Club, and they had

01:16:42.370 - 01:16:55.600

Investment Club and all that. So, you know, my friend, my neighbor, she said, “Okay, let's do all that.” So we joined the Garden Club, and then they were, you know, so they met once a month, and they will discuss about trees and flowers and all those kind of things.

01:16:55.600 - 01:17:05.870

And they have this annual contest Flower Show in, in someone's house, about 20-24 entries. And there's a theme for that. And then there is, you know, we had to follow all that.

01:17:06.280 - 01:17:16.480

And I was always interested in Flower Show, flower arrangements. And so I entered one year, it was my house, I had given my house for the show. It was my house.

01:17:16.540 - 01:17:31.200

So actually, when you host it you're not allowed to enter. But one lady dropped out and then the judges asked me “Can you enter one?” I said, “Okay.” So I put something together last minute, but I won the best of show. I don’t know. What I liked, I

01:17:31.200 - 01:17:45.450

will say like garden. All that nature. I like nature. Mhmm. And what honors have you won through gardening? Yeah, so I won that, the Best of Show, then I— my friend introduced me to Houston

01:17:45.450 - 01:17:59.750

Garden Club, the big one. And I used to come here and then they had a competition for novice. So I enter as a novice, and I won the novice competition. So I mean, I mean, I don't go to garden clubs to

01:17:59.900 - 01:18:11.250

win. I love learning about flowers and new— so I always collect. They bring all these members, bring new plants and new, which I have never seen, and then they pass it out. So I bring that

01:18:11.250 - 01:18:24.380

home and then I plant it and I like that, you know, it's not the old begonia and then the salvia and all these are different in a trumpet flowers, and flowers that are not common in-in all the garden. So, so that's-that's the part I like, you know.

01:18:26.370 - 01:18:39.050

And how did you become interested in tennis? Tennis. I was always an athletic type of girl. When I was small I used to enter all the competition school, you know, running, track and meet and all that.

01:18:39.410 - 01:18:52.500

I was, I was never that good, but I liked it, and I always liked it. So that was in me, that you know, athletic, you know, inclination is there. Then with my children, I took them for tennis

01:18:52.500 - 01:19:06.010

lessons and so, but I always thought that when they go to college and I'm retired for sometime, this is what I want to do. So then I took up tennis, seriously. And do you still travel to India?

01:19:06.230 - 01:19:15.710

How often? Yeah, we do. We travel a lot and we go to travel. We go to India once or twice a year. This will— actually this year, we will go three times.

01:19:16.320 - 01:19:27.190

And yeah, we like traveling. And do you still have family in India? Yes, I do have my brothers and their family and my cousins. You know, almost all of them

01:19:27.190 - 01:19:39.740

are there. Except my nephews. And nieces. They have come here because they're all technically savvy and then they're taking their jobs. So they have come. Like Seattle, Microsoft, and all like

01:19:39.780 - 01:19:52.380

that. They are all over-all over the country. And do you travel often? If so, where? Yeah, we try to travel as much as we can. I-we both love traveling to historic places, and

01:19:53.010 - 01:20:05.490

adventure travel like, you know, and Mongolia and then all those places. Then we went Machu Picchu. Then we went to Greece, I like scenic places. Then Russia— I went to St.

01:20:05.490 - 01:20:17.640

Petersburg, you know, a lot of history. There was St. Petersburg. Moscow. We went to and even more than that. The travel that I'm most thankful about is a travel

01:20:17.740 - 01:20:28.760

to Kailash. It's a pretty good pilgrimage place for Hindus, and it is in Himalayas. It's about 18,500 feet high, and we both trekked and

01:20:28.760 - 01:20:42.540

went-met up there. So that’s, you know, that's the one travel in life, and we're thankful for that we could do it. And what are your plans for the future? Plans for the future?

01:20:43.170 - 01:20:58.920

Still want to do, you know, as long as I have health, you know, just still want to do the same thing for community and live life to the fullest and take life as it comes. And, and I'm, by the way, I have grandchildren here. So I'm very involved with their life, and I

01:20:58.920 - 01:21:13.750

want to leave something for them, for them to remember, because this is a grandma who came from India, and then this is her life. So I want to happen-give an impression to them. So I try to like I dabble in every chance I get and when I have celebrations or you know,

01:21:14.070 - 01:21:25.280

traditional things. whenever I have something like that. I call them and expose them and tell them the story of what it is, what it is behind it. So they will have an understanding of, you know, because this is a big

01:21:25.380 - 01:21:39.130

change for the end of the three generations from now, they may not even know who we are. So I want them to remember our roots and then how we lived. Mhmm. Okay.

01:21:39.150 - 01:22:06.650

And so you've done a lot of community service that encourages the upliftment and the empowerment of women. So what is the reason or motivation behind you

01:22:07.540 - 01:22:21.810

doing that type of work? I have always have that, you know, kind of, soft corner for, you know, women who have children, it's always in my nature, and especially who was not-who are

01:22:22.090 - 01:22:37.850

less fortunate. So I always look for those, that community-that part of community, you know, where I can do something. And after you’ve done so much giving back to the community, what are some of the

01:22:38.080 - 01:22:54.440

desirable changes that you hope to see happen in the future? So what would you like to see happen in the future in terms of, like the communities you work with? Yeah, I wish that, yeah. The community with this, just this safety of women is an issue

01:22:54.870 - 01:23:08.500

globally. You know, it's not just for South Asians, so I wish it would become a topic of discussion for men and women, and then they will join hands in preventing it or doing something

01:23:08.500 - 01:23:24.280

about it. So that is a universal issue and they deal with it. I hope they will deal with it and there will be more peace, you know, and then less violence. And have you ever experienced any case of racism and sexism as

01:23:25.180 - 01:23:34.720

an active woman putting yourself out in the world? I'm sure it is there, but I haven't paid much attention. I'm sure here and there subtle ways I

01:23:34.720 - 01:23:54.280

have felt it, but I didn't pay much attention to it. And in what way, in what areas, do you think you can help bridge the gap between South Asian-the South Asian community and the community of Greater Houston? Actually the South Asian, I mean, again, women's issue’s a

01:23:54.280 - 01:24:04.420

common issue, you know; so we had to meet on common grounds or discuss common issues. So there's a way, it’s not just South Asians only, it's a problem with the whole universe, or.

01:24:04.840 - 01:24:16.980

So we have discussed that, at that level. And, and we can— and without losing our identity, we can still, you know, enjoy the diversity and then discuss that and also.

01:24:17.520 - 01:24:33.380

I have something else I am thinking. Yeah, help people, help human, in understanding their power and their empowerment,

01:24:34.780 - 01:24:54.450

and-and the question was how to bridge that gap. And we are already doing that, you know, we are working closely with the mainstream communities, and we are doing a lot of cultural competency training. So, they are- they know from 24 years ago, they know a lot about, and we

01:24:54.450 - 01:25:05.010

are educating law enforcement. So, this is always there and then they are aware of the needs of the South Asian community. So, so, we work hands-and-hands together now.

01:25:05.750 - 01:25:18.190

And regarding your like own personal identity, do you consider yourself Indian? Indian American? Or some sort of in between? I consider us Indian American.

01:25:18.260 - 01:25:32.710

AnhThu do you have some questions? Yeah. So, yeah, so you mentioned that you want to leave things behind for your grandchildren. You want them to know about a grandma who like migrated from India to America and made significant changes to a community.

01:25:33.830 - 01:25:45.220

So if your grandchildren happen to watch this interview some years later, do you have anything to tell them? Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

01:25:45.220 - 01:26:00.440

this is the grandma who made the travel in the-that that long travel in the 20th century. This 21st century, right, they'll be watching. The 20th century, cross the oceans and

01:26:00.440 - 01:26:09.180

came here and made a life here. And then do good and be good. Be good and right. Do good and right. Okay,

01:26:15.030 - 01:26:33.420

yeah. Okay, if you have-do you have anything else you'd like to add? No, that’s all. I think, yeah, being part of DAYA has complete made my-it’s my calling, you

01:26:33.700 - 01:26:51.690

know, I found that's my calling and then, you know, I feel extremely gratified working with DAYA and meeting a lot of people and seeing the reality of life. And I think that is-I think I'm blessed to be involved with- with people

01:26:52.180 - 01:27:14.090

and I could make some difference in their life. Thank you very much for being with us. Thank you. I hope it was okay.