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Hello, today is January 18, 2021. My name is Gordan Liu, and I'm here with Nghi Nguyen and Nha Tu for the Houston Asian American Archive's special series on love. So to start us off, would you two

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please briefly introduce yourselves? Um, hi, thank you for having us today. My name is Nghi Nguyen, and I'm currently a fashion designer. And I run a small business at home.

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And this is my girlfriend Nha Tu. Hi, my name is Nha. I'm 26 years old, and I am a healthcare worker here in Houston. Wonderful. And how did you two meet?

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Uh, we met back in 2016 through a dating app. Nice. And what has- what had been your experience with dating apps leading up to that? Um,

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for me, I think the first time I used an- a dating app, we actually met. So that was my only experience with it.

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But the app that we used was pretty, you know, it was pretty regular, like any other dating app. You know, you'd have to swipe to like each other, and then both of you had to do the same to

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connect. Cool. And what was your first impressions of each other? First impression? Uh, I think we talked through the app probably about a month, right, before we

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actually met. And I remember I asked her that, like what she would like to eat on our, like, first date when we met. And I still remember like she really loved pho. So on the first day, we went to a local pho on

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Bellaire Street. And my first impression of her is, she said she loved blue color. So I remember she drove a blue Toyota car, and she wore a

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blue blouse with a blue purse. And even your flip flop, yeah, was blue too. So that's like, like, you know, like all blue.

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I was trying to match that day I think. My first impression of you. Um, when we— that same day, obviously that was the first time we met, I thought you were taller in

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person. ‘Cause I don't think we had asked each other how tall we were. But yeah, you’re taller in person than I thought. And I

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guess, he wasn't as talkative over in person, as you know, over the phone I think. Yeah, I'm kind of quiet, you know ‘cause I'm nervous. And I didn't know what to talk a lot.

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So I like to stay quiet and listen during the conversation. Yeah. Sounds like a beautiful first date and definitely really delicious.

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Um, how did y'all feel throughout that first time meeting each other in person? Um, for me, I felt very comfortable. Because before we met, we texted a lot through the phone.

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And sometimes we call each other. So like we knew each other, like, personality. Yeah. So actually, when I met her, I feel like comfortable and we

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share like, you know, our, like high school life or only a family and we talked through a lot of topics. Yeah. I think we- we talked a lot that day during

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lunch. Um, I also felt nervous you know, ‘cause it was a stranger over the internet. Um, but yeah, we- I think we got along pretty well and, and afterwards we wanted

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to hang out a little bit more. So we went to the museum. Yeah, but I think overall, it was really easy getting to know each other. Yeah. Yeah.

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And was this y'all’s first relationships, or have y'all had previous experience? We- we both have previous experience. Um, for me, it was the first like, kind of relationship over-

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that we met over an app. Um, but definitely, we've had previous experiences before. Yeah. But this one seemed easy; it was different.

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Mm hm. Easy, fun, and comfortable. Yeah, ‘cause we both love visit museums. So during our dating time, actually like until now,

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when we have free time, we spend a lot of time together visiting all the museum. Especially even when we fly or travel to other state, one of the first thing on our

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list is pick at least one museum to visit. Yeah, awesome. And when would you say you realized you were in love? Do you remember?

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I'm trying to remember. Um, it's been a while. It's hard to actually remember at which point that, you know, like I fell in love.

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Yeah, I think for me, it was just over time, you know, the more we hung out, the more we talked, the more we got to know each other. Um, those feelings kind of grow stronger.

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But I remember, um—so we met in September of that year, and- and December was my birthday. So we went out with my sister and brother-in-law to this- this little French restaurant for dinner.

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And um, things didn't go as planned because he was late to dinner. And I was like, we were all waiting. And we didn't get to order

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anything. But um, I think like, I- I had such strong feelings about like him being late. And I was so nervous too for him to meet my sister for the first time.

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And I think that was when I kind of knew that it was, it was serious, you know? Yeah. For me, I- I can remember I think, maybe like fall in love with you, like day by day.

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So there's no like, you know, exact point that I actually like, feel that feeling. Yeah, gotcha. And what were some other defining moments throughout your relationship?

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Um, like for me, I think for both of us actually, our families are really important. So whenever, you know, we would bring our- our- we would bring each other to meet like a family member, like my parents

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for the first time, my sisters and um... Like those events were kind of the big ones for us, like, you know, if I felt like we had their support, that kind of made us like closer.

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Closer, yes. And we get to know each other's family. And, you know, like bonding time with each other's family. So I think that's a very big step in having a strong relationship.

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And what were your family's first impressions of your partner? Um, so I actually live here with my brother because my parents, they still living in Vietnam.

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And um, although my parents are in Vietnam, I have a lot of relatives in Houston like my aunts, uncles and cousins. So I think, I think maybe my- my oldest aunt was the first one who met Nha.

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And I think that she liked her. She liked her a lot. Yeah. So and I think after that like before, you know, COVID came, so we still, you know, have time to gathering together.

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And every time we have a small party at home, so Nha always come with me to enjoy, you know, Vietnamese food and family time together. And I think all of

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my family members like you. Yeah, they like you a lot. And then for me, I think this relationship was kind of the first time that I let my family know that I was really serious about someone, and it was

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the first relationship that I kind of brought home and let them know that, you know, we're together. And the first relationship actually since I came out officially to my parents. Um, so I think being the

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first, there's challenges that came with that, and like any family, I think we, we kind of, well, I experienced that. But eventually, they were very supportive. And I think we

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all grew a lot from, you know, getting to- to understand each other, and them understanding my situation and my feelings.

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And me understanding that, you know, it's a lot for them. Especially having Asian parents, you know, they have certain expectations, and sometimes when we don't meet those expectations,

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it can be hard. But overall, they're very supportive, and I think um, they- they like you a lot too. My dad likes you a lot. Yeah. Can

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y'all expand on kind of the evolution and process of, you know, parents’ acceptance of identity, things like that? Um, for my parents, when I first told

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them, they were pretty shocked because we hadn't really discussed anything like that before. Our family specifically, I don't think we're—we're not super big on like verbalizing or stating how we're feeling.

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I think it's—a lot of it is assumed or just, yeah. Is that like, like Asian parents, like culture? Yeah, like sometimes we- we don't like talk straight, you know.

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But um, they kind of know, but they don't express their emotion a lot. Yeah. And like ultimately, you know, my—I think when I came out to my parents, they were unsure

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how to feel at first ‘cause it was obviously new. But at the end of our conversation, they- and they made sure that I really know that they always loved me no matter, you know, my choices or who I spend my

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life with. Yeah, I think my parents had the same point of view. Um, they don't actually say anything, you know, about my transition, but they always remind me that, you know, “We only want you to be happy.”

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And, you know, “Whatever you do, we only here to support you.” 'Cause I lived in Vietnam through my whole life until 2016 when I moved to the States. I'm not sure, if maybe like my- my parent is like- like

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other Asian parents that, you know, like they don't, they don't express their love, they don't talk, you know, have some like deep conversation. But I- but they're always there to- to love us and like support us.

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Wonderful. And could y'all elaborate on why y'all really value family acceptance of your partner? I know y'all said that it was an important kind of factor in the relationship.

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Yeah, I think growing up, you know, being an immigrant to this country, growing up, my family was kind of the, the constant in my childhood and life.

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So growing up, my sisters and I were very close, you know, and my parents were always there to support us. So I think with that, you know, it just kind of

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made us strong as a family. And we always, you know, help each other in different situations and supported each other emotionally and otherwise. So I think that's why it's so important because we- we

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have such a strong bond. Yeah, my family and I. And then I think for you, it's pretty similar. Yeah.

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And growing up, who did each of y'all look up to as models for romantic relationships? Romantic? I don't think either my parents are romantic in their relationship. But I see that like, they

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are very, very good at taking care of each other. You know, like- like my mom show love to my dad by always take time to prepare like delicious food for us. And always, you know, make sure that like

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nothing bad happen in our life, you know, like always ask about how’s school. And my dad, he's quiet, he doesn't like, you know, speak a lot.

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So I'm not sure which one is the model for me to be in like romantic relationship, you know. But I can feel they're supporting each other. So I think, I think that's the thing that

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I would love to continue to learn. And, you know, support you in- in our life together. Yeah. Yeah, I have to agree. I don't think my parents or my sisters really were-

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were significant role models in that way. But I think, you know, when you- when thinking about love languages, I think our

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parents both kind of embody like the act of service more than anything as a love language. So I think that kind of impacts our relationships.

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We- we appreciate that a lot from each other. But I think for us in a romantic relationship, I think we're just learning as we go. Yeah, true.

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And what are some ways that y’all like to show affection and love towards each other? I know that whenever I have a hard day at work, I would go home and you'd give me a hug. Yeah. And I make you some soup.

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Soup, yeah. Soup or porridge. Yeah. Because uh, honestly, like I don't cook a lot, you know. I'm not very good at cooking. But like anytime like she doesn't feel good or like she's sick.

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So I tried to make some dinner like house soup for her. Some- something that I can, you know, make it good. Make it, yeah. And for me, show

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love to you, right? Yeah, I think maybe. Yeah maybe that. Awesome. And what are some things y’all like to do together? I know you mentioned museums.

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Are there other activities? Um, yeah, I think museum’s one of the bigger ones. Obviously, we don't travel. We- we also like to

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go hiking together. We recently got a dog. So we can't wait to go hiking with her when it's a little bit warmer out. We like sharing meals a lot.

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I think a lot of our conversations take place over a good meal if we're going to a restaurant or something. Sometimes if it's just at home. Um, what else?

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We both like good food. Good food. I think- I think that kind of goes back to, you know, how much we- we value our families and how

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much we spend time with them. Because I think all- a lot of my good memories are also over like a good family dinner. Yeah. Yeah. And what have

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been some challenges in your relationship and how have y’all overcame them? Challenges? Maybe- maybe before you actually like came out to your parents? Yeah,

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I think around that time 'cause Nha, she would always worry. And she afraid how her family would be react. You know, like after she came out like would they still love her?

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Would they still care for her? And around that time we haven't moved in yet. Yeah, by that time I still live with my aunt. And she lived with her sister.

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Yeah, so I think around this time is kind of like the hard time in our relationship. Yeah, agree. 'Cause I was like—you were right, I was so worried about their reactions and all that.

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And it just kind of took the focus away from us and our relationship. Yeah. And how did y'all support each other during that time? Um, I think I tried to meet her more, you know.

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We lived a little bit far, probably like 35 minutes driving, you know, and by that time, we both work in school. So even though like with a very hectic schedule, we still, you know, try to have time for

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each other. Yeah, I think that’s- that like we both try, you know, both try to- to make it work and support each other, and, you know, like have more

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conversation to help each other re- relieve like stress, or just sometimes just to listen what other just want to say. Yeah.

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And how has the COVID-19 pandemic impacted your relationship? Um... what do you think? I don't think it has had a major impact. Um, I think we, we

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get to spend a little bit more time together, since he works from home now as well. He's, like, done a lot of chores around the house.

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And so in that way, we try to also split our responsibilities. But in our relationship, I don't, I don't think it's impacted negatively or positively too much.

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I think it even make our relationship like stronger. Because around the time COVID hit, I actually started making face masks, and donate the proceeds to the Houston Food Bank.

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So at the very beginning, like I just worked by myself, and sometime like Nha helped me, you know, with some steps that I can guide her. So like we all work together to contribute

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something like meaningful for our community. So I very appreciate, you know, like her like helping me in my small business as a startup and also support me to, you know, all the event or charity that I would

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love to contribute my work to. Yeah, and how do y’all decide kind of how to split different roles in the relationships such as, you know, like you said, household chores, or financial stuff,

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anything like that? I think we had a conversation about like chores and whatnot recently. But I think we just- we kind of had- we had a long conversation about what, you know, what his expectation was of me

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and what my expectations were of him in regards to chores and other work. And we eventually reached an understanding that we were both, we were both happy with and moved forward from there.

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And that way, you know, once we kind of talked about it and it was clear, we would just follow that in the future. And then in terms of like financial stuff, I think, I think I do a lot of it.

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Yeah. She's better in, you know, financing more than me. Yeah, like maintaining a budget, making sure we’re, we're sticking to it and planning for anything in the future. What are some

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other important parts of maintaining a relationship that people might not think of at first? Oh, we were talking about this yesterday. Um, we, you know, I think like any other couple,

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we have our shares of disagreements. Um, so sometimes when those disagreements are too frequent, or they're too close together, it makes- it puts a little bit of strain on the relationship.

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I think one of the lessons that I've learned from us being together is that we choose to be together. You know, I think we could, our lives could be different if we didn't choose to be with each other, despite all

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the, all the other differences or arguments. But I think making that choice every day, especially when it's hard is what kind of make us strong. Yeah.

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I think, also, we like never stop learning from each other. You know, 'cause, you know, like I believe that in different time frame, sometimes our

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personality may change. So, you know, like keep learning, having some good conversation to actually like know what each other want, like that expectation

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in, you know, like support each other. And I think there's always a way, you know, to solve the problem or any issue in a long term or short term relationship. But I think like the first step is that we have to talk

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to each other and let them know, what we have in our mind, and what we want. Otherwise, like they don't know, or they can't understand what we really want.

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Right. What else has this relationship taught you about love? I think love make me happy. And it make me- I think like it make

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my life better, happier, and it give me a lot of positive energy that can like encourage me to do a lot of meaningful things that I would love

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to do in my life, as well as help, you know, other people whenever they need help. Yeah. I think our relationship has taught me that the value of kind of having another person going

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through life with you, going through the ups and downs and sharing those experiences. Yeah. I think it's- it's kind of fun for me to look back at where we were and where we are now, and all the experiences we got to experience together, the good and the bad, the fights and the

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vacations. Yeah. Yeah. And what has this relationship taught each of you about yourselves? Um, I think it taught me a lot.

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You know, like before, I think I was stu- stubborn? Stubborn person, like I really didn't want to change myself a lot, you know? But like since I'm with Nha, I

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have learned a lot that sometime we have to like change and, you know, like make myself like a better person for me and for her. And I think it taught me a lot,

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in a lot of different aspects, financial, you know, you teach me how to be better and manage the finance and the commitment in a

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relationship and communication. Yeah, I was gonna say that for me. Yeah. Like being more considerate about what the other person needs and how to communicate

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effectively. I think we're still learning that, but we've gotten better. Yeah, for sure, it's, you know, because being in a relationship, you- you want to care for the other person and you want to be considerate about how they

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feel and their needs and how to help each other be the best versions of ourselves. In this process of, you know, learning about communication, what's been some helpful tips or, you

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know, themes to help with communication? I think for me, I like to talk about, you know, like sit down and talk about how we feel regarding

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anything that, you know, we don't like or we do like. I think having that conversation and saying it out loud helps maintain that clarity of, kind of what we need from each other.

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Yeah, I agree. And for me it’s- we have a different like personality. For me, like I always have a lot of plans, you know, like what I would like to do and what I would like to make.

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And at the beginning, I didn't know how to share those plan with her. Until like when I already start to making it, I let her know. But like sometimes at that point, like she's like frustrated because I

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didn't share anything, you know, at the beginning until like things are start to in the process. So for me, I learned how to share any plan, or

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anything that I would like to do at the very beginning with her. So she know, and you know, she can support me, and she feel that like she is a part of my plan. And, you know,

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be with me and then be with all our future plans. Great. And what would you say is your favorite thing about the other person? My favorite thing about

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you, I think would be your drive. Um yeah, your motivation to do anything and everything. And how, you know, how compassionate you are about wanting to

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help other people, like whether it be through charity or just, you know, with family members who need a little bit of help. For me what I—I have a lot of things that I like about you, so I just try to pick just a

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few things. I like how you like- like organize. Yeah, I never met someone that like so, so like organized, you know, with like budgets, housing, stuff like even your was super

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organized, which I really love and I would love to learn that from you. And I also love about how you- how you know how to start and guide a conversation to-

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to a good point that we both can learn from each other. And your conversation guide me for me to like open- open up to myself, to, you know, share more, to talk more, and to have a better understanding

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with myself and with you. So I think that's a very good point for me to learn that from you. Awesome. And what kind of life do y'all want to build

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together? Either in short-term or long-term future? Definitely a happy life. Yeah, we—I love, I love work.

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I'm a like workaholic. But um, I've learned like, you know, day by day that I have to like spend time with her, you know, always have

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time for family. And, you know, like work make you happy, but, you know, without family, that’s- it’s nothing. You know, so I really want to have a family with you where we can always share

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some like up and down moments. You know, like we- we have each other's back that we can lean on, like trust each other, and always support each other, you know, when they need help or, you know, like

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what they want to do in the future. Yeah, I agree. Besides like having a happy life together, I think having a balanced life, like you kind of mentioned. A good balance between work and play.

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And do y'all plan on building a family together? We do. We do. Awesome. Yeah. Any- do y’all have any like, um, you know, like

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ideas or priorities in terms of how you want to relate to family members, or like children in the future? Can you repeat the question?

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Sorry. Yeah. Um, I guess—wait, are y’all planning on raising children? I think we do, yeah. Um, yeah, in the future we will. And what are some important things you want to keep in

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mind while raising children? Like what intentions are you setting with that? Um, my intention is... I would love to like spend time with them.

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Because, you know, raising and having children are very responsible. Yeah, that, you know, we want them to have a happy life too. And,

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you know, children, they love to play, they love to learn new things. So for me, it's very important that I can balance the time with, you know, each member of family equally.

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And, you know, like take them to where they would love to- to go, you know, and teach them new things. Yeah. For me, I think like, I

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would kind of base it off of how I was raised, you know, raised like to be level-headed, to be considerate of others, obviously. And um, I would also just raise them with the

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understanding that, you know, they're always, they're always safe with us like that. And they should be comfortable to share with us anything that they're concerned about or anything they're

00:39:34.280 - 00:39:44.950

curious about. I think just kind of establishing that trust and making sure that they know we're always there for them and that we would do a lot of things for them.

00:39:45.280 - 00:40:00.820

Yeah. That’s amazing. Is there anything else y'all want to share before we end this interview? Do you have anything to share?

00:40:02.000 - 00:40:21.120

Um, yeah I think like, you know, growing up as, as an Asian American woman, like growing up and kind of learning about my identity and what my preferences are in terms of romantic

00:40:21.120 - 00:40:42.110

relationships, it's definitely been a challenge. But I think having you there and then have- knowing that, you know, my family supports me, even- even when they don't understand my decisions is kind

00:40:43.260 - 00:41:02.000

of what makes me who I am, you know, being, being—I guess, like taking some risks, you know, talking about all the things that we're uncomfortable with, or things that might not be super

00:41:02.000 - 00:41:16.520

conventional in the eyes of our parents or older generations. Um, I think just communicating, again, making sure that you're being heard

00:41:16.550 - 00:41:31.260

and- and, you know, sticking to what you believe in, for sure. And it's always, it's priceless to have someone that supports you, throughout the entire process.

00:41:32.840 - 00:41:43.840

Yeah. You mentioned how you value honesty, even when it means taking risks. So what makes it- what makes honesty worth it for you?

00:41:46.180 - 00:42:03.690

I think that being honest is kind of the basis to everything, b- being honest to yourself, to others. Um, I feel like—I'm sure we've all experienced it: if you lie to someone, it just eventually comes out or um—

00:42:03.710 - 00:42:18.510

For me personally, like I feel bad when I lie. And sometimes those white lies you can kind of get away with. But things that matter like who you are or who you love, it's...

00:42:20.120 - 00:42:36.050

it nags on you. And I think being honest and open to other people and their differences is so freeing. You can just be yourself and

00:42:36.590 - 00:42:55.850

know that it's going to be, it's going to be fine. That's really beautiful. Thank you all for sharing your stories and experiences. Really um, enjoyed listening. And again, thank you for your time and for your

00:42:55.850 - 00:43:01.820

contribution to our archive. Thank you so much for having us. Yeah, thank you.