00:00:04.390 - 00:00:18.530

Thank you so much, Mr. and Mrs. Salhotra, for joining us again for the love stories podcast. And I guess first, I'm just so interested to hear you both

00:00:19.190 - 00:00:34.320

stories of meeting each other through an arranged marriage. And both of you came from more, I guess, traditional families who believe in arranged marriage; but coming to the US with a more open, and, kind of—

00:00:34.520 - 00:00:50.310

dating culture centered. What, what is the decision in going back to arranged marriage and that faith in that kind of system? Well, so, you know, I think, as I mentioned to you, before, I

00:00:51.850 - 00:01:08.900

made a conscious decision to go this route. So it was, you know, dating is no, clearly very common, is easily available. But I did have, I did have reservations about it, because in the Indian culture, dating,

00:01:08.900 - 00:01:22.360

especially for women, dating was considered to be very, very negative thing that if you were dating that, you know, perhaps your morals were not so not so high. And, you know, and of course, I was

00:01:22.560 - 00:01:36.250

reminded of that, too, by my parents that if you do end up doing a lot of dating, then– then you should probably plan to marry that way and not try to marry the arranged system way, because, you know, it just doesn't work that way, especially,

00:01:36.250 - 00:01:46.590

especially where women are concerned. Now, it is, it was a little bit different for men, men versus women. But that's, that's kind of the, the way that we were based.

00:01:46.900 - 00:02:00.070

And I knew that I wanted to marry someone Indian, and preferably someone from India, because I wanted to keep a connection to India, for as long as as long as it was possible for us to do so.

00:02:02.610 - 00:02:18.470

Yeah, so I guess, for me, the family structure is very important. And almost It was

00:02:20.640 - 00:02:32.180

almost, I grew up with the idea that it's the parents’ prerogative to help the children find their spouses. And since the parents

00:02:32.300 - 00:02:47.190

know the gentleman very well, I always thought they could probably come up with a better decision than perhaps I could on my own. And also, there weren't too many opportunities for dating, and so forth.

00:02:47.290 - 00:03:03.270

So I think as long as the children have the veto power, as I mentioned, and they are not forced into a situation;

00:03:05.370 - 00:03:18.450

I think, in parents doing the homework, before introducing potential eligible partners to their children, I think is a very good idea.

00:03:19.200 - 00:03:32.020

And I think it works in any society, as long as there is not the pressure that they have to marry the person that the parents select. And we certainly didn't have that pressure.

00:03:34.400 - 00:03:46.310

And so, to a large extent, it was our choices. Well, I would say it was our mother's choices. Well, they– they did influence; but they,

00:03:48.610 - 00:04:06.420

but at the end of the day, we could have said no and this is keep looking. So we could have kind of had them continue to find others so. That's really interesting to hear. And also I remember Mrs.

00:04:06.420 - 00:04:18.860

Salhotra that there's only three times and the third time was on the wedding night that you met each other. Like what were some of the impressions in the first two meetings of each other?

00:04:20.000 - 00:04:39.060

Well, obviously, we each got a passing grade test. I guess that's one way of putting it. And, and I think, you know, meeting the third time it was kind of in the middle of

00:04:39.090 - 00:04:54.620

an Indian wedding kind of and it's so hectic, and there's so many things going on that you don't have much time to thing. But definitely the first few meet— two meetings that we had we each— possibly I mean, I'll

00:04:54.620 - 00:05:07.420

be honest to say that it wasn't love at first sight, and, "Oh my god, you know by this is the only person and I'm going to go after her!" Wasn't like that. But there was no reason

00:05:09.550 - 00:05:26.500

to, there was no strong reason to just exercise my veto power. Yeah, so I guess for me, we did meet, you know, the two times one was at my parents home.

00:05:27.090 - 00:05:38.540

And then the second was in New York City where I was going to grad school. And both times there were other people there. So we didn't really meet one on one, we weren't given that opportunity. But both of us kind of

00:05:38.540 - 00:05:52.950

refused that, you know, it's like, "No, we're fine." You know, "we're good with everybody around us." And, you know, I mean, in all honesty, we didn't really know each other, either that well at all, at all, that we needed to go and sort of chit chat on our own.

00:05:54.100 - 00:06:06.980

But I guess, you know, I like it, like a tool said, you know, he was not necessarily like, you know, "Oh my god, I gotta marry this guy." That type of thing. And, you know, I had some really frivolous things I wanted, like, I wanted a tall guy, so I happen to be

00:06:06.980 - 00:06:19.310

quite tall for an Indian woman, I'm like, 5'6. And, you know, I always thought I would marry somebody who's like six feet tall, that's what I used to dream about. And but, you know, that was kind of that was

00:06:19.310 - 00:06:31.760

not really a deep reason to not marry someone. And, you know, education, as I told you was really important in our family. And it really, I was very impressed by the fact that, you know, he was highly

00:06:31.760 - 00:06:45.090

educated. And, you know, and he was dedicated to his work, because, you know, I had, I had met some people who were highly educated, but it didn't seem like their work was as important in their lives.

00:06:45.470 - 00:06:57.800

And to me, that was, that was important. And, you know, because you think of not just yourself, but you think about the next generation, and you want somebody who is, who has, who shares values with you. And,

00:06:58.280 - 00:07:15.380

you know, we didn't, you know, we didn't meet when we were 19, or something, you know, we met when we were in our mid to late 20s— late 20s. And so we kind of knew what we wanted, in, in, in our, in our spouse. So, you know, he, as he said, you know, we sort of

00:07:16.230 - 00:07:31.000

had all the he checked, he checked all the boxes for me, except for height. And, so, and my parents, you know, my parents really liked him, and a lot of it is family. So our families are very, I would say, very similar,

00:07:31.370 - 00:07:40.340

from the same part of the country, similar values and ethics. And so I think that was super important. That was super important for for both of us.

00:07:40.760 - 00:07:51.920

And, you know, my mom, my mom really liked him. And his mom really liked me. And as he said, you know, you know, your child better than probably anybody knows your child,

00:07:52.500 - 00:08:00.380

and probably even better than they know themselves. And so you tend to pick someone who you think would be compatible for your, for your child.

00:08:00.860 - 00:08:18.070

And, you know, you hope that that they will agree with you, and they'll realize it later in life that Oh, yeah, that was, that was probably a good choice. Thank you for sharing. And I'm also amazed how like, the bonding and the trust between like, you and

00:08:18.220 - 00:08:33.730

your— both your parents, who can make a decision for, yeah, the future lives. I'm also wondering, like, was there any kind of mentality of like, the "missing out", I guess, which

00:08:33.730 - 00:08:47.400

is in the younger generation would be much more prevalent. Like the dating culture, and like, we were talking about, Poonam was talking about how we were, in the younger generation, people kind of have

00:08:47.520 - 00:09:01.520

this really fast turnover. And like, was that kind of mentality ever existed in, in coming to a decision? Sure, I thought that, I mean, I'm sure I thought that, you know, I haven't dated.

00:09:03.110 - 00:09:15.520

And, you know, because the opportunities did present themselves, I just chose not to take them. So maybe sometimes I might have thought that, you know, "Oh, I wonder what that whole dating thing would have been

00:09:15.570 - 00:09:27.610

like." Because everybody's like, very excited and when they're dating. But you know, you know, maybe- maybe early on, maybe when I was, you know, probably in college. I'm sure I thought about it then.

00:09:28.550 - 00:09:38.810

Because, you know, at that time, it's hard because you're there's a lot of pressure on you right from your peers. And your parents are not right next to you. So it's like well, "Why can't you go date?" You know, "Why can't you go out?"

00:09:39.220 - 00:09:49.410

This and things like that? And it's very easy to say, "Yes, I will." And you know, how is that next person ever even going to know that? I did, right? I mean, I'm not going to tell them. But you know, it's...

00:09:50.780 - 00:10:03.810

but you know, it's, it's a, it's like a decision that once I made it, I decided okay, that's it. Okay, you see that people you like them and you talk to them, and your friends and all; but no, I don't think at that time— at the

00:10:03.810 - 00:10:24.150

time that I made my decision, and later, I have never, I've never regretted that. Yeah, um, you know, I think by the time we got introduced and got married soon

00:10:24.230 - 00:10:35.910

thereafter, I think the timing was right. I'd finished all my education and, you know, had a good job. And so that was kind of the

00:10:35.980 - 00:10:47.650

obvious next step. At least, that's the way I was brought up. So yeah, it goes okay. Thank you. And next, I'm just wondering, like, when, in the

00:10:47.650 - 00:10:59.840

beginning of your marriage, you both were in different cities with long distance? How was that? How did you cope with that? Oh, there's nothing to cope with, because we didn't know each other.

00:10:59.840 - 00:11:09.250

Right. So it was fine. I mean, you know, we got married on the third time that we met, and I went with him. He was in California, I went

00:11:09.250 - 00:11:21.200

with him for our, you know, our honeymoon period. And so I was with him for a few days. And then, you know, I came back because I still had a thesis to write in New York City. And, you know, it was like, it

00:11:21.200 - 00:11:32.530

was almost like a dream, you know, that, that I went, and I got married, and I spent a week with this person that I hardly knew before, and I probably know a little better now. And then I'm back to my life,

00:11:32.610 - 00:11:44.400

you know, this is my life, New York is my life. And, but you know, at the back of your mind, you know, that there's a person who was, was there waiting for you. And so that's a nice feeling, you know.

00:11:44.400 - 00:11:56.290

But other than that, you know, I don't think there was a lot of like, missing or things like that. Because we weren't, we weren't really that close yet. Right? It was a, it was a very new relationship. And, you know, we could

00:11:56.290 - 00:12:08.900

talk by phone, there wasn't a lot of texting or things like that. But we were both really busy, right, I was trying to finish up my thesis faster, so I could get to California faster. And he was, you know, had just

00:12:08.900 - 00:12:18.280

started a job not too long ago. So he was working really hard there. And we still had our friends, I had mines. I mean, I don't want to minimize what happened.

00:12:18.670 - 00:12:30.100

But it was just like, you know, you go for a vacation and you are so engrossed in the vacation, and then you come back, and then you continue on, as if it never happened almost. So yeah.

00:12:30.100 - 00:12:40.620

It was just it was literally just like a dream. You know, like, you go you do it, you had fun. And now you get back to work, you know, so there was sort of that mentality at that time, because we

00:12:40.620 - 00:12:51.410

weren't as invested in each other at that time. It's really interesting. It's like kind of the dating period. Right, kind of that early dating period.

00:12:52.830 - 00:13:07.450

Wow, interesting. And I'm also wondering, how are the kind of— as two both very achieving and highly highly achieving individuals with very high like work ethics, and

00:13:08.380 - 00:13:19.310

what are the kind of the work life balance? Like, who does the, I guess, the house chores? And is there any kind of a decision between the, between the two of you on that?

00:13:21.290 - 00:13:35.900

Well, you know, my husband comes from a very traditional background, and he was raised in India most of his life. And so in his mind, it was pretty clear, you know, that the rules are pretty clear. And, you know, his sister is a professional, she's a physician, his sister in law's a

00:13:35.900 - 00:13:46.280

professional. So it wasn't that he hadn't seen, you know, professional women or how to deal with that. But, you know, he's in, you know, I think, for the most part, he continues to feel that way.

00:13:46.800 - 00:14:03.000

And I'm sort of okay with that, you know, I think I did definitely have a different thought process than him. But, you know, he's, he's traveled a great deal with his work. So I kind of naturally got to taking care of the home and taking care of

00:14:03.000 - 00:14:15.730

the kids more. He does do most of the work, he does all the financial stuff, so I don't have to at least ever worry about that. A lot of the outside stuff he does, you know, groceries and things like that.

00:14:16.030 - 00:14:25.060

So it... we never really talked about it. I don't think, you know, it just sort of fell into the into place. And yes, of course, I'm sure you

00:14:25.060 - 00:14:37.010

know, we– we disagree about things like that as well. But for the most part, it's, it's been okay. I think, I don't know. What do you think? Yeah, I can't I think it's fine.

00:14:37.010 - 00:14:55.680

But you know, the traditional if I said there was a dream, I would have probably not have my spouse working full-time. And, and perhaps not work at all and just focus

00:14:56.320 - 00:15:14.810

on the house and kids and you know, everything else that goes on and I think that's a full-time job plus more. But you know, over time, I think, as my wife has often reminded me, it's actually better for women to be

00:15:14.910 - 00:15:32.860

working also, and not just be staying home all day with the kids. They again, perhaps better guide their children and having experienced the work environment also. So I think it's worked out fine.

00:15:34.290 - 00:15:45.820

Yeah, that's true. But I didn't and I didn't even look at the, I mean, we've never done that. But if somebody were to sit down and say, "Okay, we both work full-time.

00:15:46.770 - 00:16:01.000

Now, let's sit down and put how many hours do you work on non-work-related stuff, and how many hours do I work." And I think it will be time-wise it's probably about the same. And we've never done that.

00:16:01.060 - 00:16:18.830

But that will be kind of perhaps an interesting exercise to do. Because, you know, the outside work— groceries, financials... I mean, all that ends up taking a lot of time. The only difference is that dinner

00:16:18.830 - 00:16:33.060

time is very fixed, you know, more or less, whereas the financial work can be done in the middle of the night, and nobody else sees it, because you're the only one awake working on it. Or, you know, groceries can be done at all hours.

00:16:34.500 - 00:16:52.380

So there is more flexibility there. But in terms of time, both of us probably spend about the same amount of time running the household. Yeah, I think, you know, I do actually did remind me when, when I was talking that he didn't, he didn't

00:16:52.380 - 00:17:07.030

love the fact that I worked full-time. You know, in fact, he thought that things would suffer, because I didn't, because I worked full-time, you know, my mother-in-law did not work full-time, she she worked full-time at home, which is, I think, a lot more work than actually going

00:17:07.110 - 00:17:20.140

out to work. You know, and she, she raised a large family, he has four siblings, so she raised five kids and did a tremendous job doing that. My mom, you know, for the first part of her married life didn't work.

00:17:20.690 - 00:17:30.940

And, you know, worked in the second part, because she out of necessity, you know, she really had to work. So it was not something that that he grew up with, or that, you know, I necessarily grew up with either.

00:17:30.940 - 00:17:41.410

But, and I think he would have preferred, you know, that I stayed home because I didn't... Financially speaking, I think, you know, he provided really well for our family that I didn't have to work.

00:17:42.490 - 00:17:57.090

But, you know, after the training that I had received, I, I couldn't envision myself not working. So that was just something that I needed to do for myself. And, you know, I'm sure there are things that suffered, because I

00:17:57.130 - 00:18:09.120

worked. I don't think my kids suffered because of that. And that was super important to me, I did make sacrifices, you know, I changed my jobs, to teaching instead of research, to make sure my kids don't

00:18:09.120 - 00:18:20.430

suffer. But as far as you know, having an immaculate and perfect home, that that probably is not something that, that ours is as compared to somebody who stays at home all the time.

00:18:21.130 - 00:18:31.580

But it was a conscious decision. That was also a conscious decision. And, you know, I'm sure I created some, some strife between us. But overall, I think it's been it's

00:18:31.620 - 00:18:45.320

been okay, and I think he sort of come to terms with it. And, you know, I try to accommodate knowing that he's has a certain type of mentality and that, you know, it's probably best to accept certain things than

00:18:45.320 - 00:19:02.900

to fight about them all the time. No, I think I think next generation, what is important is to be clear what the responsibilities are, it doesn't matter whether the wife is the is the,

00:19:04.170 - 00:19:16.120

what is called the breadwinner, and the husband stays home. But somebody, but there is work that has to be done to run a family to raise a family and run a household, it doesn't run by itself.

00:19:17.090 - 00:19:35.510

And that responsibility should be very clear who's going to do what, I think that's far more important than, you know, whether I cook, or she cooks, or I think that's not so relevant. And as I said, You know, I think the amount of hours that each one of us spends

00:19:36.580 - 00:19:51.140

in running the household, other than our jobs is probably about the same and I think it should be about the same. So, so if there's a message for the next generation doesn't matter who's the...

00:19:51.140 - 00:20:01.860

who's the chef at home; but if somebody is a chef and somebody prefers to be the cleaner, and somebody prefers to be the runner, that's fine. But at least figure it out.

00:20:02.410 - 00:20:17.330

So then there is no other way, there's confusion all the time. And that shouldn't happen. And I think you know, that brings about another word in my mind, and that is compromise. So I think in a marriage, or just like any relationship between people,

00:20:18.120 - 00:20:30.050

you're never going to agree on everything. And so you're going to have to compromise. Otherwise, the problems are going to become so huge, that you're going to might want to walk away from them.

00:20:30.730 - 00:20:46.080

And so you either compromise or you walk away, and you have to decide how important it is for you to not walk away. And so I think, you know, and I would love for our next generations to kind of think about that, you know, that it's very easy to

00:20:46.080 - 00:20:57.270

walk away, because you think that the grass is greener on the other side, that you're going to find someone you know, who's going to be just right, and you know, you're not going to have those issues with them. But nothing is like

00:20:57.320 - 00:21:11.160

that. I mean, no human being is perfect. So I think if you make a commitment, like this commitment of marriage to someone, or a relationship to someone, then you should be willing to compromise and make

00:21:11.160 - 00:21:24.080

sure that that relationship is working. And you know, when you have kids, then there are other little ones that are depending on you as well. So you're making decisions, not just for yourself, but for them as well.

00:21:24.650 - 00:21:40.080

And, you know, in our culture, we would say that they take priority, you know, that our decisions that their welfare should take priority in our decision making. Yeah, that's so interesting.

00:21:40.080 - 00:21:55.790

And talking about decision making, like who is kind of the decision maker? Or is it like a mutual decision? Like, who is the more kind of leader of the family? Well, well, it depends on the type of decision.

00:21:56.480 - 00:22:10.150

So all decisions relating to our kids was Poonam's, you know; to take them to the pediatrician, to— should that take this course or that course or, you know, this

00:22:10.150 - 00:22:22.090

activity, that activity. So she, and part of the reason was, she's better at it; and two, I'm traveling a lot, I was traveling almost every week for a day or here's today.

00:22:22.210 - 00:22:38.030

So, so those decisions she made. And what I mean, financial decisions, mostly I took the lead. And a lot of it is I wish she would jump in, but she just says, friends, so that worked fine for me also.

00:22:39.200 - 00:22:54.350

So, so I think it depends on the decision, I don't think there is one who is superior than the other, that respect and just that they are different buckets and different

00:22:55.000 - 00:23:08.300

activities and different person takes the lead in that. So. So when guests come over, I make the menu, but she does the cook. So that's our decision, you know...

00:23:09.300 - 00:23:21.360

Division of duty. Right? So, so I'm just saying it's just generally a joint decision, but one person takes the primary responsibility to execute it and to make it happen.

00:23:23.190 - 00:23:35.420

I also I agree with that. I think, though, that as the kids have gotten older; so when they were little, you know, yes, I made all the decisions about you know, which school are they going to go to, and who's our

00:23:35.420 - 00:23:49.030

pediatrician and etc., etc. But I think as they've gotten older, and the, you know, decisions have more consequences. So, you know, they're, they're older and they're making sort of more life, life decisions

00:23:49.030 - 00:24:04.840

now, then I think that we do tend to talk about it more and try to present a united front to the kids. We definitely don't agree on, on a lot of things. But, you know, the Paramount is that we agree hundred

00:24:04.840 - 00:24:17.270

percent on making sure that our kids thrive. And so we, you know, we may come at it from different approaches, and a lot of it is, you know, because I was raised here, and he was raised in India, and there's

00:24:17.270 - 00:24:27.720

just a different way of thinking. And even though, you know, my parents have been pretty traditional here, you know, more than half the time you're not with your parents, you're if you're out with, with your

00:24:27.720 - 00:24:42.840

peers, and they think very differently than, than your parents do. But, you know, like, if it comes to, you know, talking to Raj about his career— that he necessarily agrees with what we think; but you know, we

00:24:42.840 - 00:24:54.910

will definitely talk about it more. Whereas, you know, if it was like, you know, should he take advanced algebra or geometry that was something that, you know, I could probably just say, "Okay, yeah, why don't you do this..." And then just tell him about it afterwards.

00:24:55.460 - 00:25:12.350

And the same thing with the financials, you know, he just kind of takes care of it and then tries to tell me, you know, everything that he's doing, but I just sort of doesn't stick as well with me. Thank you for sharing. And I guess, with the both- both your kids

00:25:12.350 - 00:25:27.190

have been so highly achieving, as well as the, they also have like kind of ups and downs as we all have in life like decisions to make in life actually. Just like when both of them were in Harvard Law

00:25:27.550 - 00:25:47.350

School, and Pooja, had to kind of go through some soul searching; and like Raj was kind of making decisions on going into kind of the more public services route being from such a high achieving, like law degree background.

00:25:47.960 - 00:26:05.490

Like, what are some of the conversations that you had back then when like, there are some kind of probably disagreement between the parents and the child? Well, you know, we can have whatever conversations we want, but I've noticed that

00:26:05.740 - 00:26:20.610

as they've gotten older, that they're respectful, and that they listen to what we have to say; but they're old enough now that they end up doing what they think is right for them, which is, you know, which is also something I think we need to be proud of that, that we've made them into these

00:26:20.610 - 00:26:34.670

independent people who, who are confident about their own decision-making skills. But you know, definitely. I, and we both, and maybe, you know,

00:26:34.920 - 00:26:46.950

a lot of people in the world would say, "Why the heck would somebody leave Harvard Law School?" You know, you work so hard to get into that, you know— she studied for a long time to take our LSAT.

00:26:47.740 - 00:27:03.280

And worked obviously worked really hard when she was at Yale that she would have a lot of choices when she graduated. And she, you know, she gets into all these different these fantastic, you know, law programs. And then she starts— and she's very happy; and then she

00:27:03.280 - 00:27:11.730

decides that it's not for her. And yes, you can have doubts about the programs. And you know, I was in a Ph. D. program, and I thought at times, like,

00:27:11.850 - 00:27:22.910

"What the heck am I doing here?" You know, and then, "Do I really need to get a PhD.?" But, you know, you kind of go through with it, because you think that for your future that this is a good thing. And that's

00:27:22.910 - 00:27:35.390

what we tried to tell her, you know, that just finished the degree and then do what you want. If you don't want to practice law, that's, that's your prerogative. But, you know, it is such an amazing stamp on your

00:27:35.390 - 00:27:51.490

resume, to have Harvard Law School that, you know, why would you leave that? So it was a very difficult time for our entire family when that happened. And part of it, of course, was that, you know, she was having a hard time there— sticking to it,

00:27:51.770 - 00:28:03.990

not because she couldn't, but because her heart was not in it. And you know, her emotionally, she wasn't, she wasn't dedicated to that. And that had never happened to Pooja before, you know, she has been that child who does

00:28:04.060 - 00:28:14.370

everything that she's expected to do that we think that's good. She's, you know, carried through on everything, you know, piano and sports and studies.

00:28:14.370 - 00:28:22.800

We never ever had to tell her, you know, that you need to take care of your studies, or you need to do this. She's always just done it. So it was, I guess, pretty shocking, you know,

00:28:23.500 - 00:28:35.920

that you just got through Yale, you know, I mean, like, that couldn't have been a piece of cake. You know, you worked really hard, and you got through that. So why can't you just work really hard and get through this? But you know, so she, but

00:28:35.920 - 00:28:47.320

she was sure of what she wanted. And, you know, first she, of course, came home and just requested time from Harvard, which they were very nice about giving. But then as she sort

00:28:47.320 - 00:29:01.270

of pursued other interests, the biggest one being writing, she realized that, that's, that's what she wants to do, and thus, we know where she's at. So it wasn't that we didn't go through a lot of soul searching

00:29:01.270 - 00:29:15.680

ourselves. But at the end of the day, you know, you just have to allow a person the freedom to do what they think is right for them. So, but yeah, you know, there's been other times that, that things, we've had to kind of

00:29:15.720 - 00:29:31.220

think about things like, you know, Raj, when he was looking for what to do after Rice, you know, he got into McKinsey for an internship program, and he didn't take that or a job, I guess. He didn't take that. And that was highly

00:29:31.220 - 00:29:41.480

disappointing to Atul. And because he thought it was a wonderful opportunity, you know, because it's a it's a company that does a lot of good around the world. And also, and you'd have many different

00:29:41.740 - 00:29:51.760

opportunities if you were to be with them. He chose instead to join "Teach for America". And again, it was something that, you know, that maybe we didn't agree with.

00:29:51.920 - 00:30:05.230

But at the end of the day, you know, that's what he wanted. And he considered what we said, but that's what he decided he wanted to do. And I think that our job was to basically get out of the way and to support him the way we

00:30:05.230 - 00:30:16.710

could. And that's the way I look at it. Yeah, well, I don't have much to add. But you know, there are, I would honestly still

00:30:19.390 - 00:30:36.880

feel that if we were to be in the corporate world, he'd be fine in many ways. But you know, at the end of the day, we are lucky that we have many different ways to make a living,

00:30:38.100 - 00:30:54.680

and be a good citizen, and support the community. And I think both our kids are hopefully, doing all those three things, you know, they'll make a living.

00:30:56.910 - 00:31:11.430

Maybe not as lavish as being a partner at a big law firm, but I think they be able to take care of themselves. And then they are contributing to society, and they're being good citizens.

00:31:11.950 - 00:31:21.410

So I think that's very satisfying. Would something be better? I don't know. It seems some things are better.

00:31:21.730 - 00:31:33.850

But grass is always greener on the other side. So I think what they are doing is just fine. And as long as they maintain their good health and good attitude and think about

00:31:35.040 - 00:31:50.520

others also, it's fine. And yeah, so I think it's good. And as I said, you know, if your advocation is the same as your vocation, you are the happiest person.

00:31:50.780 - 00:32:03.800

And so, you know, I think both of them are doing what they want to do. And they are both productive things. So I think it's good. Yeah, actually, I think that our kids have found their passion,

00:32:04.590 - 00:32:20.880

faster than at least I found it. Because, you know, I had a parent who want me to do and it's going a certain route. And I abided by that. Whereas, you know, these guys understand what they want.

00:32:20.990 - 00:32:37.740

And they, they know, they know how to get it. And they are like, "Yes, I respect you, Mom and Dad, but, you know, this is what I'm going to do." And you know, you have the big advantage of having choices. When I came to this country, or when I

00:32:37.900 - 00:32:53.460

went to Thailand for my master's, I had no choice. I went to an engineering program, and if halfway through, I thought, well, I'll do something else, I didn't have that choice. Even if I hated it— which I

00:32:53.530 - 00:33:08.420

didn't; but suppose I were hated being in the Ph. D. program, one way or the other, I would finish it because I just didn't have a choice. Whereas we are lucky, our kids have

00:33:09.050 - 00:33:25.060

choices. And we are lucky that they've picked a good choice, you know, that is productive and good for the society and good for them, too. So. So I think they have that choice.

00:33:25.510 - 00:33:44.420

And it's a luxury that they are enjoying. Yeah, that's wonderful. You're so supportive of your kids. And like, yeah, embracing their differences. And I'm also wondering, like, for you to been married for, is it like

00:33:44.500 - 00:33:53.550

40 years? 50 years? 33. 33 years. Yes. Wow. Like, what's the secret of like marriage?

00:33:54.520 - 00:34:15.090

If you would kind of help us understand? I do. I think it's in your mind that part of it is that you know, you got married and, and yes, you have to compromise and everything is not perfect all the time.

00:34:15.390 - 00:34:30.010

And yes, there are times when you just fight it out and then come back, but this is what you have to make it work. So some of it is definitely the mindset with which you work.

00:34:30.910 - 00:34:43.030

And, and, of course, there can be situations where some things are totally intolerable, and then you just go your own way. But we are lucky we don't have anything like that.

00:34:44.310 - 00:34:59.900

So I don't know if there is a secret recipe or something. I think the only thing I'll say is, is unless there is something that is absolutely unbearable or intolerable,

00:35:00.870 - 00:35:10.120

try to make it work, and hang on there. Because it comes with good and sometimes, some days are not good. And just the way it is.

00:35:11.570 - 00:35:26.150

Yeah, I think, you know, one is I agree the mindset, and that's something that we had based on where what our parents taught us. And, and that's what society was like that more as well as more and more

00:35:26.150 - 00:35:40.380

conservative. Because in our circle of friends, you know, there aren't like a lot of divorced people at all. So it's, it's something that, obviously, you know, our peers are thinking the same way as us. And it's just

00:35:40.380 - 00:35:55.900

sort of a given, you know, that that's what you do that you that you make things work. And then I think, you know, you just, there's just things you have to, you just have to kind of move on, you know, right, like things happen, and you get upset about them.

00:35:56.400 - 00:36:08.690

But then, you know, it's like, you have each other, you know. I mean, I've complained to my father-in-law about my husband, and he said.... or my in-laws, you know, and they said, you know, "It may be what it is, and we may agree with you and

00:36:08.690 - 00:36:19.390

take your side; but at the end of the day, he's your husband, and you have to live with him. I mean, we're not gonna be around all the time. So you have to figure out a way to make it work with him."

00:36:20.220 - 00:36:34.810

And so and I think that's true, you know, you as you get to know each other better, you figure out ways to make it work, the things that you don't necessarily agree with, or that you don't like as much. And, but,

00:36:34.810 - 00:36:49.340

you know, I mean, as long as the person is a good person, and that's what you really live with, you live with the person, and if the person's intentions are good, and their morals are in the right place, then I think

00:36:49.340 - 00:37:06.070

the rest sort of, you know, is a secondary. Thank you so much. That's all of my questions. Do you have anything else to add that I haven't asked? No, that's it from me.

00:37:06.850 - 00:37:23.930

No, you know, I think, you know, it's been a, it's been a very nice ride. And we've had a lot of, a lot of great experiences, and we're proud of what we've accomplished, you know, in our own rights,

00:37:24.260 - 00:37:39.910

professionally, and also together as a family. You know, I think that we are, we deal with society and other friends and families, you know, in a good way, you know, we have a good circle of friends.

00:37:40.760 - 00:37:53.570

And, you know, we were always there to help our friends and our family, we're always standing with them. And I think that's a mark of a strong family. And I think that we've created that. So I would hope that our

00:37:53.570 - 00:38:08.690

next generations to come, will continue to do that. We'll continue to make families strong, and be accepting and work hard, and, you know, maintain, maintain high ethics. And remember, you know, that

00:38:08.690 - 00:38:20.160

you come from strong roots, and that you'll go far. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.